Finally I get to see my friend and her squeaky new born baby!! Yay!! I can`t wait to smell her newborn baby scent. I wish they could find cologne to mimic that awesome smell. Just like the smell of leather…when you walk into Danier`s the smell of leather just fills your nostrils and it`s such pleasant and raw, sensual smell. Oh my! Now how did I get on the subject of scents? Oh yeah…babies!!!
How I remember well my first born! When coming home from hospital, my son`s dad was getting things out of the car and I had laid my son on our double bed. He looked so darn tiny. I had undressed him and just stared at this tiny precious human being who was so dependent on me…on us. The only thing he could do on his own was breath, pee, pooh, fart, burp and cry. Well the burping needed a little help too. But still! I was just so overwhelmed with the sight of this infant and wondered if I would manage.
Speaking with my friend on the phone tonight made those entire memories flood back to me. She has lots more friends with young children to tell her what to do and not do though. Hopefully she will limit the “free advice” to a few that are consistent with her beliefs. It can get so daunting and annoying too. It is a time that moms are vulnerable to criticism and advice. Advice giving can also destabilize a new mom. She needs to build her confidence not be told what to do every second of the day! She needs to be empowered and a little reasonable support and suggestion here and there is fine…but please!! Women, don`t you remember how you felt when tom, dick and harry told you what to do and not to do? Most advice contradicted with others and it got so confusing you just wanted to scream!! More often than not, you just curled up and cried out of helplessness and discouragement.
I had a few close friends who had young children and family of course. And I limited regular phone calls to ONLY 3 moms that had similar values and parenting styles that I admired and wanted as a model. I was nursing my son and back in 1978 it was just returning as the “norm”. So many family members kept questioning me, “Why do you bother to do that? You are going to be so tired and what if your milk does not come in? What if you don`t have enough milk? And what about when you get back to work in 3 months?” In those days maternity leave was maximum 4 months paid by unemployment insurance.
Well, I will never forget the support I got from those 3 moms and I joined a support group similar to La Leche League at our local CLSC and eventually volunteered and offered support in turn too. It replaced the old-fashioned huge extended families. Many moms supporting other moms with breastfeeding, child development, nutrition, parenting and so much more. It was a place you could feel “normal” for feeling overwhelmed at times being a stay at home mom. It`s the toughest and most important job you will ever do in a lifetime…raising a child.
Boy oh boy, they sure don`t tell us that at sex Ed classes and not even during prenatal classes! The little infant does not EVEN come back home from hospital with a workbook with instructions adapted to “this particular model”. No Sireee, once you get home…you are on your own!
So it is a good thing you can scrounge up some supportive friends, some family and professional resources too.
I remember when my dearest friend, Annette came to visit me when I first came out of hospital. I was so tired. I could hardly sit down for obvious reasons and I had not got the hang of the nursing quite yet…I was so awkward, weak and sore. I bet I looked like a rag for sure. Well, she didn`t stay long and 4 days later, she arrives at 11a.m. with a huge container in her arms. The container was 2 full course warm meals for our lunch. I was so surprised and pleased as well. After we ate, I fed my son and then she asked if she could burp him and put him to sleep while I had a nap. Oh boy!! Did I run to bed quickly. I trusted her with my baby…she was his godmother after all! Normally I was a little tigress with my baby but not with Annette.
I could hear him whimpering and then crying. Oh dear, I thought, he must have gas…poor thing. But she sang to him and rocked him and he finally went to sleep. She nestled him in the crib next to my bed and shut the door.
For 2 hours she dusted, mopped the floor, vacuumed the entire house, washed my kitchen, did the dishes and washed my bathroom from A to Z. And when Annette cleans up…you DO notice!! I was so touched when I woke up and saw all that she did. I will never, to this day, ever forget her selfless act that day. I guess that`s why we have been friends for so many years. My son is now 34 and I still remember that day like it was yesterday.
I hope I can be of service to my dear friend tomorrow too and rock that beautiful infant so her mama can rest a bit. This is the beginning of a new chapter in her life, and in mine as well. Thank you, Marie-Hélène for being you and having Emma.
Let me tell you a little story that comes from the heart of your Maman and Papa.
Once upon a long long time ago there was a princess in Canada and far far far away there was a prince in St- Lucia. Well, the prince searched and searched for his princess on his itsy bitsy isle in the Caribbean. So off he sailed to the colder side of the world…even the cold was worth it if he could find his forever loving princess.
Hey, wait! I already blogged about this! Okay so
Emma, if you want to learn more about life BEFORE you were fabricated (conceived…gross for a daughter to even fathom)
Emma, Emma, what are you doing? You are anxiously awaited by so many people but especially by your Maman and Papa. Maman has loved you before even feeling your little jumps and twirls in her tummy.
Yep, and Papa has been singing and talking to you so you could recognize his voice when you finally come into this world.
Maman has felt you knocking on that door to come out many many times and it appears it is either stuck or you have decided to stay in the warmth and safety of this home…Maman’s womb…well, I can’t say that I blame you. You get fed with no effort on your part, you get to float in the warm waters of this home and you are safe…but there isn’t that much room, sweetie…so time to meet your parents now.
You have Grand-Maman and Grand-Papa Savard who are so anxious to hold you too and take you for stroller rides.
Maman has a soul sister who will be your auntie…boy oh boy, how she can’t wait to hold you in her arms!
You have sooooooo many aunties, uncles, cousins and close friends who will also become your aunties and uncles just counting the days until they hear the news of Emma’s arrival.
Oh, and even Grand-Maman Camille who could not travel from the isle of St-Lucia to see your maman and papa make their vows of love…she has moved mountains (well small ones because they can be just so big on that teeny isle)…and she too will be here to see you when you enter this world.
So, Emma, it is time to leave that little bubble and enter this world of love, affection and compassion. Trust me, Emma, you will, by no means, lack love and attention…dearest, sweetest Emma…Maman t’attend hâtivement…tes parents attendent avec enthousiasmes afin de te chanter des petites berceuses…et des tendres refrains d’amour. Parce-que tu sais, Emma, tes parents sont des grand amateurs et amants de musique. Tant qu’il y a de la musique et de l’amour dans ta vie, chère Emma, il y a de la vie éternelle remplis de bonheur car le cœur chante aussi…ton cœur chantonnera au premier soupire dans ce monde.
Welcome – Bienvenue to this wonderful life, Emma!
Having you here will make this world so much better:)