Give me strength…

Oh dear I done did it! Dear dear me, please give me the strength to get through the next 7 days without him… {A mother’s sigh…not to be confused with just any sigh…anguish, longing and sense of dread…attracting sympathy especially from other mothers and grandmothers BUT may also illicit groans from the cold hearted.}

I had to send him off for a WHOLE WEEK! I miss him already!!! This brought back so many memories.

Do you remember the feeling you had the first time your eldest child had to go to daycare or kindergarten? Oh, boy did I cry and wander around for days wondering how I was going to cope and worried about him. Would he be able to tell someone when he was hungry for a snack? Would someone “get it” when his feelings got hurt because he was so sensitive? How would he manage in public not sucking on his thumb for comfort? I do remember when he got home, how he would curl up on the lazy boy, leaning his head on the arm, slip his left hand up his sleeve to minouche {stroke} his forearm, and stick his thumb from his right hand, while watching an episode of Scooby Doo….awww, total bliss!

At least those were hours of detachment I gradually got accustomed to.But at least I had my youngest child with me to fill my heart and my time whilst he was in the hands of “other” adults. Oh, dear, to relinquish trust like that took time. Building a good rapport with educators helped.

But oh, you would think with the second child Kindergarten would be a snap, no problem. I should have been a pro, right? NO! We both cried every morning, my daughter and me, clutching to each other like crazed females.  It took months to get accustomed to my baby no longer home. Now what was I for 6 hours a day?  What was my role now?  That’s when Mommy became a  student again.

Then came the sleepover, oh dear! Part of me was relieved, “Oh, goodie, time for me and his father to play!” and another part of me would sneak out and dig needles of guilt into my “good mommy heart”. “What was I thinking of having some adult fun when my children were away for an entire night?!”

And then the summer camp came around. It was a bible camp in the Eastern Townships at Lac Massawippi. My eldest was staying away for an entire week!!   Oh, my how that was trying!! A whole week at 7 years old, he was to sleep in a tent! The nights would certainly be chilly and damp!! And what if he had a nightmare or woke up looking for HOME? What if an animal was lurking around and he didn’t hear everyone screaming to run out of the tent? He was such a heavy sleeper, a train could run through his bedroom and he would sleep right through it! Oh, how I remember those first few days when he was at camp. I missed him so much and was so worried; I had to shut the door to his bedroom because just walking by that open door in the hallway and seeing that empty room would make my heart sink.

Parents were not even allowed to phone the camp, so the children did not get homesick. I would phone the cook…that’s right? I would check in with the cook a few times that week to see if my little guy was eating alright. And he was!! That was a good sign, right?!

Well, I did get through those trips and so did he and she.  They never knew about my angst…that was for me to know and to eventually grow out of. I did. He’s a grown man. And my daughter and I went through the similar angst as well…almost carbon copy but different…she had a very different personality…very independent. I think we both struggled with the push and pull of becoming separate.

But now today, I am brought right back to those times and am not sure how I am going to manage …a whole week without…a whole week not communicating!! Oh, dear, how will I manage…it is harder now that I live alone…I mean I don’t have a husband or partner or roommate to share my worries and yearnings of not having him around…

Oh dear {sigh!}

I guess I will have to just suck it up, right?! It has been 3 hours already and I am slowly getting used to the idea …I left without crying though…that’s good, right? I left feeling I will be able to trust these people who will be caring for him all week, right?

I had to come to work after dropping him off, so that will keep my mind busy.

I have no clue how I will be by tomorrow or Tuesday! or Wednesday!! Oh, my, maybe I will try to get into the Hallowe’en mood and focus on fun things children like…adults do too, actually.

Just have to suck it up and be an adult about this…

Yes, I will just have to wait until Staples Office (Bureau en Gros calls me when my dear, loving laptop is ready from a week of diagnostic testing and servicing…{sigh} yes, that’s it…I shall have to rely on my sturdy notebook, my smart phone and the computer at work. I know I can do it!!!

The End, by Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

This was a fun exercise Lilith Colbert, a real goddess in poetry and narratives has prompted on Wednesday Short Story Prompt #26 – In Wolf’s Clothing at WDBWP (We Drink Because We’re Poets)

Our challenge this week was to concoct a tale that’s more than meets the eye – a Transformer of shorts, a mind-boggling of epic proportions. What a great occasion to mess with the minds of our readers! I hope my readers enjoyed this fun story. I had a blast writing it.  I was composing it in the car in my head on my drive to work after I dropped off my laptop at Staples.

 

© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts,  originally written on October 27, 2013  on my blog httpp://stigmahurtseveryone.wordpress.com

 

Photo credits:  Lonely Evening – Woman Thinking About Problems .  Waiting Of Night …  www.123rf.com

Got my mommy fix:)

I know it sounds silly for someone my age…I’m a mom of 2 adults children, a grandmother and yet…going to see Mom this morning…waiting for her to wake up…like I was a kid and she would work late hours as a hairdresser back in the ’50’s…I let her sleep in because I knew she was tired.  When she would wake up, she would smile …always have that look that mothers have when they adore their children…that look that said how special I was to her.  It made me feel like sticking out my chubby chest (kids were considered healthy only if chubby in those days).

She would put her hands in my hair and gently minouche me under my chin…sometimes squeeze those chubby cheeks (which I liked less) and gently flutter her finger on my neck.  I knew I was the best kid on the block when she did that!

911890_381459438635983_368133294_nThis morning, she was sleeping in her chair…I was stroking her hair and forehead gently…minouching her forehead just so she could feel a faint touch…she woke up gradually and reached out her hands…touched my hand with her left hand and lifted her right hand and touched my neck ever so gently…just a tender soft minouche…her eyes appeared a little less glazed for a split second…”Awwwwww I have my mom back!” I thought to myself with a smile.

We had a nice visit…I fed her lunch and I left feeling ready to brave the world this week ’cause I had my “mommy fix”.