My life changed

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I was a teenager when my sister gave birth to my nephew, my godchild. I never thought my life would be quite the same after his birth. Mom and I were so excited and silly happy (if that is a correct expression). We had always been “girls” at home. We knew nothing about boys. Well, the basic plumbing, I guess but nothing about little baby boys. I had boy cousins. Mostly they were older than me and a few younger but we were too young to pay much attention to how a little baby boy was, how a little boy interacted with the world. They were just cousins, sheesh!

I remember the first time Mom was changing his diaper and I was right next to her…like I said, keep in mind, we did not know much about little baby boys. Well, the air must have triggered his urge to…peeee and squirt right in Mom’s eye…she just laughed…I tell ya, we were just so silly! I loved that kid so darn much and when I became pregnant years later, I was a bit apprehensive. I wondered if it was possible to love a child as much or more than I loved my godchild.

That is when I had this earth shattering discovery…it was possible! My son was born after many years of trying to start a family. We had been trying to conceive a few years after our marriage and when the miracle finally happened, I gave birth to a beautiful, picture perfect, “Gerber look- a- like” baby boy on November 7th.

I remember bringing him home that first day from the hospital, laying him in the middle of our double bed; I undressed him and just stared at him thinking to myself, “Such a little human being depending on us for everything …absolutely everything!” I was scared, overwhelmed and high on adrenalin for having our baby…finally! I planned to be the best I could be and give him the best he deserved. Oh, boy, what a tall order but it was my hope and intention. His father felt the same.

Breastfeeding was no picnic the first few months…but I was determined to give him the best nutrition humanly possible {that human would be me alright…ouch, ouch, ouch!} but that did pass eventually. I wanted to nurse him for 4 months and return to work as we only had 4 months in those days. But he was not quite ready to eat and everything was going so well…that I prolonged it to 8 months and the nursing 18 months! Hey, when things go well, why stop?

The first few months when he would wake up for a feeding, I remember shuffling over to his crib in his bedroom next to ours, thinking to myself, “Boy oh boy, I had been trying for years to have this baby …good thing I reeeeeally planned for this.” It IS tough those first few months. How to read each different cry, moan, whine. Getting used to nursing is not so easy when you have fair skin that can burn easily… But after 2 months it went uphill all the way.   That too did pass.

Our neighbours had two 2 adolescent girls who became babysitters later…they stopped by often after school just to see him…not me much, I don’t think, I don’t think I was that cute!

My life changed completely. I used to have ambitions and goals. As a couple we had dreams too and this first house was a home but also a “wise investment”…maybe later we would get a bigger house. But having this child changed my goals as well as my interests. Material things like a bigger house or bigger car seemed so trivial to me now.

Having a child walk through a field of wild flowers and stop every two seconds to smell them made me see the world differently. Watching him stare at an ant hill as if it was a 3-D movie for 30 to 40 minutes at a time, made me stop too and start looking through his eyes. I was given a second chance to see the world differently.

Fast forward to the teen years and he started playing guitar. Going to sleep at night whilst he practised on his classical guitar with Beethoven as my lullaby. Being exposed to his CD’s of Hendrix and Zeppelin gave me a second chance to savour these classics. Growing up I was into Motown, Beatles and Rolling Stones…that was pretty much my interests…

Having children allows parents to rediscover the world. It allowed me to play again…playing in the sand and making mud pies is fun!
I have to say that my fear of not knowing if I had enough love in me for another child was quickly dispersed…no problem there…the love is rooted inside the core of a human being…and if your child hurts, you hurt, if they are happy, you are happy, when they are giggling with joy, you can’t help but laugh along with them.

Someone once told me that a mother’s love is like a flame on a candle, you can light many many candles from that same flame and the flame will be the same…burning just as much and glowing just as beautifully…so I knew I had as much for our daughter who followed almost 3 years later.

© Cheryl-Lynn,  originally written 3 days after my son’s birthday making this writing exercise quite easy,  November 10, 2013

This is a contribution to a FreeWriteFridays writing prompt on Life Changers.

Emma, where are you?

941982_10151632880653701_1657842491_nLet me tell you a little story that comes from the heart of your Maman and Papa.

Once upon a  long long time ago there was a princess in Canada and far far far away there was a prince in St- Lucia. Well, the prince searched and searched for his princess on his itsy bitsy isle in the Caribbean. So off he sailed to the colder side of the world…even the cold was worth it if he could find his forever loving princess.

Hey, wait!  I already blogged about this!  Okay so

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Emma, if you want to learn more about life BEFORE you were fabricated (conceived…gross for a daughter to even fathom)

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Check out blog:  http://wp.me/p2RsU0-9z  and have Maman or Papa read it to you.

Emma, Emma, what are you doing?  You are anxiously awaited by so many people but485521_10151632880498701_152135337_n especially by your Maman and Papa.  Maman has loved you before even feeling your little jumps and twirls in her tummy.

Yep, and Papa has been singing and talking to you so you could recognize his voice when you finally come into this world.
Yep, and Papa has been singing and talking to you so you could recognize his voice when you finally come into this world.

Yep, and Papa has been singing and talking to you so you could recognize his voice when you finally come into this world.

Maman has felt you knocking on that door to come out many many times and it appears it is either stuck or you have decided to stay in the warmth and safety of this home…Maman’s womb…well, I can’t say that I blame you.  You get fed with no effort on your part, you get to float in the warm waters of this home and you are safe…but there isn’t that much room, sweetie…so time to meet your parents now.

You have Grand-Maman and Grand-Papa  Savard who are so anxious to hold you too and take you for stroller rides.
You have Grand-Maman and Grand-Papa Savard who are so anxious to hold you too and take you for stroller rides.

You have Grand-Maman and Grand-Papa Savard who are so anxious to hold you too and take you for stroller rides.

You have an auntie that can't wait to hold you in her arms.
You have an auntie that can’t wait to hold you in her arms.

Maman has a soul sister who will be your auntie…boy oh boy, how she can’t wait to hold you in her arms!

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You have  sooooooo many aunties, uncles, cousins and close friends who will also become your aunties and uncles just counting the days until they hear the news of Emma’s arrival.

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Oh, and even Grand-Maman Camille who could not travel from the isle of St-Lucia to see your maman and papa make their vows of love…she has moved mountains (well small ones because they can be just so big on that teeny isle)…and she too will be here to see you when you enter this world.

947381_10151632908613701_997576748_nSo, Emma, it is time to leave that little bubble and enter this world of love, affection and  compassion. Trust me, Emma, you will, by no means, lack love and attention…dearest, sweetest Emma…Maman t’attend hâtivement…tes parents attendent avec enthousiasmes afin de te chanter des petites berceuses…et des  tendres refrains  d’amour.  Parce-que tu sais, Emma, tes parents sont des grand amateurs et amants de musique.  Tant qu’il y a de la musique et de l’amour dans ta vie, chère Emma, il y a de la vie éternelle remplis de bonheur car le cœur chante aussi…ton cœur chantonnera au premier soupire dans ce monde.

Welcome – Bienvenue to this wonderful life,  Emma!

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Having you here will make this world so much better:)

© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts, June 5, 2013