A tragic loss…

Tragic loss in 2013


Another soul destroyed, another heart broken and alas, a life is lost. Rehtaeh Parsons took her life this week… The tragedy in Nova Scotia has surely hit the hearts of most people in the country and with the media as well as all over the world.  My heart goes out to the Parsons’family and the community.  I have no doubt that everywhere,  mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings, youths and adults all grieve this terrible loss.

http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/04/09/mother-launches-facebook-attack-against-those-she-blames-for-teen-daughters-suicide/

I think of the students at school and the mixed emotions that fill them.  How do they handle this?  A tragic death…a person living with so much despair, takes her life not knowing what else to do to ease the plague that besieged her…the hell she must have been living.

Everyone is impacted by this tragedy and as a society we are all implicated in some way…how do we react to sexual assault?   Not enough legal proof?  Okay, so why do we as a society look for ONLY authorities to weigh this?  As parents, as part of the community, as schools, as friends of friends of friends who know what happened…why can’t we try to teach our youths?  What about those who taunt, tease and harass to the point of pushing a person to utter despair?  How can we teach these persons that this type of “bullying” is pure torture they are enforcing on a peer?

I am not just talking about consequences; many youths  will be living with a huge burden the rest of their lives that I would not wish on anyone…ever.  I am talking about how do we respond to our youths’ who are exploring life but still need guidance?  How do we teach them right from wrong so they can “get it”…the moral and ethical meaning?  How do we help them tap into their consciences/soul  and act with respect and concern for others?

Grief brings up lots of difficult emotions such as shock, denial, sadness, anger, guilt, confusion to name a few but I think anger is one that is quick to follow a person around and swaddle their mind, squeeze their heart and fill their soul.  Some will be lashing out at anyone or anything as one tries to come to terms with what they are dealing … a tragic loss.  Sometimes anger is easier to endure…it is loud and active. It is letting out the pain rather than drowning in sorrow.   In order to put aside feelings of powerlessness,  better to feel the energy (although negative) of anger.  And so for many teenager-depression_girlpersons,  anger will be their ally …it may be their way of trying to drudge through this long difficult grieving journey, jumping hoops to avoid the pain of sadness and guilt.

My heart and prayers go out to the family and to  those inflicted with this terrible unrest.

If you know of a youth who needs help…let him/her know there IS help…reach out to this person, offer your ear, call a trusted adult to help him/her…if in doubt…call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or check their website http://kidshelpphone.ca   http://jeunessejecoute.ca for information; they offer counselling on Live Chat as well and you can even download their App Always There /Toujours a l’Ecoute.  Sometimes it can be easier to talk to a professional in an anonymous setting…it’s a start.

Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary (however long that may appear or feel) problem.  There is help…

Speechless

The last school shooting in Newtown, Ct. of Friday, December 14, 2012 has left the world shocked.  No words can comfort the parents, family, friends and especially the surviving students of this tragedy.

Even saying “students” is not fitting…these were little children!  To fathom such an atrocity makes me shudder.  No doubt, as millions watched CNN last Friday, our hearts went out to this wounded community.

I worried when my children were in high school and college of school shootings. Now my children are adults, I thought, I was free of worrying…but Friday was a wakeup call that the unthinkable can now occur.  I can’t believe that we  have to consider the ultimate safety of elementary schools from such tragedies.  How I worry for the little ones…my 8 year grandson …

As we are wrapping gifts, baking for the holidays and preparing our homes to celebrate life, love and peace, this community is mourning the worst possible grief any human being can face. 20 little innocent angels have been robbed of this right as well as 7 adults who were parents, friends, relative and colleague,  will never be a part of any celebrations.  Surviving children from this school will not be able to grasp this calamity and they have been robbed of their innocence and trust.

It may be healing or cathartic to express anger and blame this murderer; it may be help to shed blame on society, gun control and governments.  It may be therapeutic for many to put all energy and focus on problem solving and more finger pointing…but for now, that anger, that guilt, that heart wrenching sadness are part of loss and grief.  Feeling it and acknowledging it are the first steps of living and walking through this painful journey as this community mourns.

Praying…whether you regularly pray, or it has been years and you forgot the words…just allow your hearts to focus on the innocents that were robbed of their lives…of the parents, family, friends and a community that will never be the same. Leave the advocating, the proactive stances and blaming for now and give this community your love and your prayers and hug your children.

As this community begins to say goodbye this week you can also donate in memory of the victims:  http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/17/us/iyw-sandy-hook-victims-memorial/