Embracing emotions (haibun)

Heeding-haiku-with-Ha-emotions

 

One expresses emotions in varied ways and for some it is spontaneous and simply who they are.  Perhaps you are like me when you see someone you love and have not seen in a while, you run up to the person and hug them, kiss them on each cheek.

Overjoyed the morning I felt my son moving in my tummy…the basement of our new home had flooded and I could not hide my joy.  Could not relate to the damage, the flood or any problem whatsoever for a human life did somersaults in MY tummy!!

Oh how I weep with joy when I see my child performing in a choir, when my son did a guitar solo and sang a Bob Dylan song, when they graduated both from high school and college;  and even today when I see them smiling and teasing each other…the joy just takes too much place in my heart and so I weep.

Perhaps your emotions are too close to the surface and your heart swells so much you weep the moment a word hurts your feelings; perhaps it is anger that is too difficult to conceal and you shout, rage or cry again. Maybe you have always felt life dealt you a raw deal and everyone and everything you touch must be for your loss, like a child who stomps off angry because Mommy would not let him eat candy before dinner.

And then there are those who do not express emotions as easily and it eats at them, fester and makes them sick…they are not “at ease” hence it stirs “dis-ease”.  The persons who cannot weep when they grieve, express their love when they long, show their joy when they are gripped with such a powerful love…yet to look at their body language, one cannot read the joy, happiness, rapture or sadness.

Sometimes I speak to a person who has gone through the most dreadful experiences in his past, heard such hurtful comments, witnessed such atrocities and yet I hear no emotion in the voice…flat, no affect whatsoever.  Over time the dam may open slowly when a person feels safe…In this case, a person had to hide all emotion to survive. To give in to emotion may weaken him/her and so life goes on with explosive emotions inflating his/her soul…heart, like a ticking time bomb.

Emotions are not excluded to humans, and we can see that with animals that we love. It could be a horse you would groom for hours before riding, your dog you have walked, bathed like a baby and cuddled with a towel to keep him warm, a cat that leans in close to get a pet, a scratch but deep inside we know it is to be close to you…expressing their emotions in their loving and natural way.

My grandfather had rescued a golden mix a few years before he got sick.  GrandPapa died later in his bed at his home; when the ambulance came to take his body, Princess followed the cot whimpering along the side and then went running in the basement howling so loudly. She did not come up for a whole week, so great was her grief.

 

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confused and scared

a stranger whispers in her ear

“…luv you mum”

~

this frail body

seasoned with dementia

puckers her lips

****************************

beaming,

hand on her belly

feeling flip-flops

© Tournesol ’15

Heeding Haiku with HA ~ MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie

What if I don’t remember?

B questioning me nov 13

la sénescence ne pardonne pas
La mémoire
est une faculté
qui oublie.

Senility is unforgiving.
Memory
is a faculty
that forgets.

*********

What if I don’t remember?

Every time

I don’t remember

a name, a street even a number

I do get queasy

inside my tummy.

what are my fears?

have my fair share.

driving about … anywhere

what if I lose my way out there?

I do get frightened

I’ll not come back

get lost in thought

take two wrong turns

and then I fear

I’ll lose my way…

but what about

my thoughts, my words

your face, your voice,

and all my memories?

that blasted

evil enemy

may visit me

some day …

  and stay!

That shameful senility

may rob me of my dignity.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/05/02

Submitted for: PookyPoetry Daily Prompts – What scares you?

Love you Mom:)

2013-02-03 02.15.50Mother’s Day is tomorrow.  I was out shopping today and I could not believe how much traffic there was, how much the malls were packed with cars and I thought to myself, “Wow, there sure a lots and lots of people who sure do love their mom!”  I mean, the traffic, and the stores were busy as if it was Christmas…really!!

It warmed my heart to see how busy business was on this weekend.  I was spending the evening with friends who were have a Mother’s Day dinner with family as well and it was really nice to see how festive this day is…still!

Tomorrow I will be visiting my mom at the nursing home and no matter how much she has changed…this is still HER day.  Mom who did so much for me and my sister and my children. Mom, who was selfless in all her actions and loved everyone with so much passion.  She cannot recognize people now but her love and passion and affection still shines through…she still grips our hands when we reach out to her, she still kisses my hand and my cheeks with passion and love.

On this visit, it will be a double pleasure as I will be accompanied by my son and he too will be a witness to his grandmother’s love and passion.  He too will make a difference in her day tomorrow and certainly his presence makes a huge difference in my day tomorrow as well because it is also MY day.

Love you Mom…Happy Mother’s Day xxxx

©Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

Got my mommy fix:)

I know it sounds silly for someone my age…I’m a mom of 2 adults children, a grandmother and yet…going to see Mom this morning…waiting for her to wake up…like I was a kid and she would work late hours as a hairdresser back in the ’50’s…I let her sleep in because I knew she was tired.  When she would wake up, she would smile …always have that look that mothers have when they adore their children…that look that said how special I was to her.  It made me feel like sticking out my chubby chest (kids were considered healthy only if chubby in those days).

She would put her hands in my hair and gently minouche me under my chin…sometimes squeeze those chubby cheeks (which I liked less) and gently flutter her finger on my neck.  I knew I was the best kid on the block when she did that!

911890_381459438635983_368133294_nThis morning, she was sleeping in her chair…I was stroking her hair and forehead gently…minouching her forehead just so she could feel a faint touch…she woke up gradually and reached out her hands…touched my hand with her left hand and lifted her right hand and touched my neck ever so gently…just a tender soft minouche…her eyes appeared a little less glazed for a split second…”Awwwwww I have my mom back!” I thought to myself with a smile.

We had a nice visit…I fed her lunch and I left feeling ready to brave the world this week ’cause I had my “mommy fix”.

Visiting Mom and her demon friend

me as a childI need to visit Mom today.  I need to feel or remember that enormous love and bond we have…had.   I never question being loved when I am with Mom…EVER!    Her spirit, her soul, her heart is somewhere in her body…her mind has been invaded as well, poor mom no longer has to battle Worry and Insomnia…finally she is at peace but her demon has robbed me of her enchanting presence…how I miss her quirky remarks, her contagious laugh and her soothing arms around me.

I will visit her today…I need to drift off into my imagination…just hold her hand…she still kisses my hand and my face if I approach her close enough and whisper, “Hi Mum”…she sometimes holds her breath for a split second and she kisses me and holds my hand tightly…then I know for a split second she escaped the clutches of her own demon…Dementia.mom and me nov 10 2012