Last day of my three day work week and not too soon. Struggling to sleep at night when the rest of the building seems to sleep late…a neighbour that walks with heavy feet anytime from midnight to three in the morning makes for a short night. I am sure she does not realize this and since I am a new owner here, I have not had a chance to meet anyone except for the owner downstairs, who I have told to bang on the ceiling anytime if I am too noisy or the music or tele is too loud.
I am such a light sleeper so even if I go to bed at 8 or 9 which I did last night, I woke up with a start at midnight and struggled to get back to sleep hours later. Ear plugs do not seem to muffle the vibration of a person banging a closet door or plodding . I’ve chosen to sleep with my earbuds listening to music with the volume low and yet…
floating on an astral plane
rumbling clouds shudder
from the third floor
Snow greeted me this morning on my patio as a mid-spring scenery.
snow on our lawns
so much for Mother Earth
giving us the finger
I took a nice bubble bath before my shift and watched a few short videos celebrating Earth Day.
The morning was not too bad but during lunch, I couldn’t help but check on the news to hear updates and that can get me nervous and frustrated. Lately, I notice a bubbling impatience inside my chest. Our province is still rising…over half of the country’s stats. How can you ever get used to hearing about deaths? Two friends told me this week they lost a relative…reality sucks! Whether it is 1 or 100 (which is nothing compared to Europe, I know and I can only imagine how scary it must be too…but still a life multiplied by xxxx is always too much.
My calls were more frenzied in the afternoon and it took a lot for me to concentrate…trying to ignore the simmering storm.
sadness and angst
listening to their suffering
licking salty lips
May as well stay up and drop when I can no longer stay awake. It’s Saturday today…soon the sun will come up. I went for a teeny tiny walk last night after I brought the garbage out. It was after nine and no one was on the street except for one young man busy talking on his phone. I just walked up and down my street twice, staying within my close quarters since I had not brought my cane or walking stick and you just never know when that knee will give way, so it came out to 2km. I’m pleased with that. I think I will continue walking at that time each night. Granted I would love to soak up the sun in the daytime but with the cool weather we’ve been having, wind comes along with the sunny skies and evenings it just seems calmer and feels warmer.
I surfed the net a bit to see how the world was coping…I found an interesting segment from France covered byFrance 24which is aired weekly. Oh my, to see the drones the police are using to check up on people who are not abiding with social distancing!!! That is pretty awesome actually but like one woman cyclist with her two children commented, it does feel futuristic and one wonders if you are doing to get attacked by the drones. It’s a great idea actually and saves a lot of manpower so police can also be available for emergencies rather than patrolling street by street, park after park.
I noticed our police patrol Easter Sunday. Good thing they came by a few hours after this couple rendezvoused in front of my building. He brought her a gift and stretched out his arm to hand it to her. Then they spoke briefly a good two metres apart. She had leggings and a nice long sweater hanging off one shoulder and four inch heels!! I kid you not! It was so adorable to see them. They looked in their late thirty’s or mid forty’s. I found it so romantic! Hey, I don’t get to see much these days, so this was a real life treat And I even wrote about it on my an Easter datealong with a haiku on Sunday.
I ordered watercolours and paper this week. I am kicking myself for having given all my paints, crayons and artsy things when I moved here. Who knew I would have so much time on my hands that I could relax trying to paint? I have never really painted with watercolours except fooling around with my grandson and when I was a kid but lately I found a few Youtubers who explain it well and I want to try. My goal is to make greeting cards, just for fun and maybe even create lovely haiga with my artwork. So far, I have only done haiga with my photos but it would be a nice change. If I don’t succeed at least I will have practiced an art form that relaxes me.
Years ago I had to take some art courses to be accepted in an Art Therapy class at my university. So I took 24 lessons in oil painting. I did not really find I did anything pretty but every week those three hours went by like ten minutes.
It’s 5:30 and I’m not sure I will be able to stay up until the sun comes up. My eyes are getting a bit heavy (finally). I think I will have breakfast so hunger will not wake me up at 8am and I can sleep in as late as I want. Yes, that is a great idea!
Thanks for listening, Emma. There are not many people I can talk their ear off at this time and you are such a great listener.
Ah if only I could disconnect like my feline friends. I hear one snore softly. I felt pumped when I first woke up and seeing the sunny skies. The sun was so warm, the bedroom temperatures went up I had to open the windows. And then I watched the news…
bursts of energy
sun beams through my window
menacing those light blue skies
riding the roller coaster
little engine doubts
I think I can, I know I can
because I have a plan
there is no shame
in reaching out
call out their name
a face smiling back at me
YOU, inside my screen!
Feeling pumped again after a nice video chat with my son and daugther in law…yes, I definitely can get through these times.
Three hours of sleep reads her Fitbit. Hmmm, that’s odd, and yet she feels refreshed this morning. She runs a bath and prepares her coffee at the same time. She seems to have energy today despite the lack of sleep. She strips her bed and prepares for laundry and finally when her coffee is ready she slips into her bubble bath and turns on her tablet to watch something silly on Netflix, The Big Show.
A great way to start her day and once dressed and logged onto her laptop, she feels an energy she has not felt in weeks.
The universe gave her what she needed.
digging at their psyches
Last night I was surprised to see the time when I woke up at only 2 in the morning. It’s amazing how a deep sleep can feel like you have slept for a long time. I slipped back to sleep and then…
I was riding my bike back home to the house where I grew up in my hometown. It was not quite dawn…the sky was grey and the sun had not started to come up yet. As I approached the house, I thought I should put my bike in the house not to get it stolen.
“How come I had not thought of that before since there are so many robberies at this part of town?”
Suddenly I saw my car parked and decided to stick the bike in the car but then I saw a car backing up to come and talk to me, so frantically shoved the bike in the front but was not fast enough and the car was about a metre from me. He rolled down his window and I was about to approach out of habit…but then I froze realizing the social distancing advised was two metres. I knew I was dreaming, and I really wanted to wake up because I sensed there was danger. The man wanted to talk, said he felt socially isolated and got out of his car …I ran to house but could not unlock the door fast enough and close it behind me…he pushed the door and as I backed away he came closer and I thought he was going to rape me. But he just wanted to hold someone…just wanted someone to talk to. My heart totally understood but my brain was speeding and telling me this was way too dangerous.
I kept backing up slowly but still listening. One could tell this man was suffering but I was not sure if he could control his frustrations.
I woke up at 5:30 AM and there was still an hour or so before I should get up for work…but I could not help but feel I might go back to the same dream. I put on my mask for my eyes and kept repeating my mantra and imagining the face of Amma, hoping I could fall asleep…I did but not in a deep sleep but back into the same dream…
We talked in the living room…I was sitting on the couch and he on the footstool with such a heavy look of defeat. I felt so bad that this virus had done this to him but also worried for my health. Feeling guilty for thinking of myself and feeling empathy for him…not a great place to be…and then I woke up at 6:30 and got up. Enough already!!
I took my time getting ready for work, setting up my laptop, my tv as a second monitor and sticking important papers on my cupboard door to have everything in my view.
I took out the garbage and recycling as well since it was very early and pouring rain I could avoid seeing anyone. I wore my new white cotton gloves and then dumped them in the wash and logged onto my laptop.
What a way to start my day!
hearing their stories
describing a dystopia
makes my skin crawl
Life offers many joys. One just has to stop and notice they are here even in the saddest times, under grey clouds and personal strife. She shuffles reflecting on her solitude wistfully aiming for the city park.
A friend sends links of live videos which offer hope and peace. She is busy and misses out on one. And then she sits watching news from New York and then Quebec. Her heart aches and she cannot seem to shake off the grief for so many people. An hour earlier she had sent three self videos to loved ones showing how healthy and fine she is, offering best wishes for Easter. Easter is a time to rejoice …a time for rebirth.
Another alert from her tablet sounds the arrival of a message from her friend who sends her two more links…one is gospel music which shifts her mood and the other is Andrea Bocelli: Music for Hope. She had forgotten to tune into this live.
this time for hope
Looking from her patio window, she smiles. A couple meet in front of her building. She wishes she could have captured the 4 inch heels but that would have looked too nosy [chuckles]. It was so adorable to see the brief encounter and a few hours before the police car passed by checking up on the neighbourhood and social-distancing.