On my way to work yesterday at 6:30 A.M. I could not help but notice the sky. Of course it was still dark but my eye was drawn to that gorgeous thin slice of a moon.
Mischievous wink In the predawn sky one swift brush stroke
Like a message in a bottle My precious crescent moon
And then to make the day even more perfect, I see my daughter on the bus with her partner. Working evenings for the past 10 years, I have missed so much! What a way to start my day seeing my beautiful princess and my son in law. That added a little skip and a jump to my walk from the Métro to the office, alright!
early morning shift a bounce in each step a mother’s heart swells
Finally! She sits motionless to savour the moment exhaling slowly…relief, at last. The night was long waking up to hammers in her head. Finally by the end of the day, knockers slowly left, one by one.
She remembers reading that heroin users are often looking for that high…reaching nirvana. She read that there were many ways to reach this ultimate summit of pure bliss. She was a bit shocked when a monk listed orgasm on his list of “highs” but thinking about it now, that did make sense along with reaching spiritual enlightenment.
Demerol was another drug that brought some to nirvana after hours of labour in childbirth. Her grandmother was a midwife and many mothers would ask for a second “shot”…she smiles at the memory of her grandmother telling her birth stories.
It must be like this for people who use opiates for painkillers as well, she ponders. She always steered away from that because she knew how easily one gets addicted. Her doctor once prescribed a procedure that would relieve her of her neck pain for about one month. It was very costly but it was not the cost that turned her off. She lives with chronic pain day and night. For the past three decades it has married her by now. To separate the pain only briefly, might be a relief…even heaven but hell would surely await after the effects wore off. No, she thought, that would be worse. She preferred to endure the soft murmurs of her partner who drummed on joints and bones and off and on would invite his knockers for a poker game in her head and neck. But when that game ended, guests left one by one…the relief swaddled her…the other joints dulled in comparison to that last performance…a concert of sheer hell.
Right now, at this very moment, she is drunk with this relief she calls, her nirvana.
Funny how insulated one becomes when confined indoors. Insulated rather than isolated because it feels safe. Only the hum of her air purifier and soft snores of her cat keep her company. Looking out the window, leaves flutter with life, birds communicate from tree to tree and yet here, it’s like a different world. It’s safe here and no expectations from anyone.
She was up most of the night coughing and once that was calmed temporarily, little hammers started doing their thing just to make her life less boring. She finally managed to sleep a few more hours in the morning and her hacking cough startled even her. Another week before any doctor would consider giving her medication or believe that her lungs were clogged. She could hear a rumble when she inhaled and a faint whistle from her chest when she exhaled. She wasn’t too worried but annoyed that it had been disturbing her sleep all week.
Fortunately, she had been on vacation this passed week, so rest was the main remedy and she took advantage of that.
a different world
moving outside her window
rushing here and there
I spy with my little eye
on this side of the glass
They spent the day in the sun planting seeds of various vegetables. Bent over with their straw hats, mother with her white Ralph Lauren sunglasses, the little three year old in her polka dot sundress and heart shaped sunglasses.
“Ah phew! That’s sure a lot of vegetables, Mommy!”
She beamed at her little helper, “Come, sweetheart, let’s sit in the shade. I`ll bring you a Popsicle.”
Sitting under the old maple tree, her chin in her chubby hand, staring at the garden for a long moment, she asked, “Mommy, when will the green beans start growing?”
“It will take time, sweetheart, about sixty sleeps depending on the weather.”
Obvious disappointment painted on her sun kissed face; she quickly lost interest and ran to play in the sandbox.
rose tipped buds
one moment in time
coming to flower