After snoozing the alarm four times, she rolls over and greets her bff, petting her thick soft fur and whispering “I love you’s”. She then finally rises to the challenge of another new work week. Shuffling to her other bff, she opens the door to the guest room and hears the joyful purrs and meows this unique creature has. Her name is Kali. She runs up to her big, fluffy sister, Bette and is greeted with a hiss. No problem, little Kali seems to be thinking and she runs to her mistress for a pet and then lies on her tummy stretching her front paws about a metre distant from Big Sis and waits for some sign that maybe today will be the day they will play…such a patient little thing!
It is amusing to watch these two felines as she runs a hot bath to oil her old joints and then she moves on to the morning REAL priority: starting the coffee and feeding the cats.
Another week is starting and she tries very hard not think about it. Although she loves the support she offers, she is finding less comfort in the environment which no longer seems to shed enough light. She can literally hear the grumbling from within her peers’ body language and darkness hovering over their heads…
relentless deafening screams within daunting reminders
relentless dark clouds casting shadows foreboding
deafening screams within hearing their disturbing tales smothered in despair
daunting reminders exhaling melancholy sighs of helplessness
she must get to sleep! in less than an hour bloody birds will peep chirping away with joy waiting for a new dawn but, for an insomniac their fervor makes her yawn sometimes make her go mad!
still she must sleep in four hours the alarm will buzz grating at her every pore beep beep beep beep beep annoying bleeping clock!
today she returns to work a five day break she took away from tears away from pain away from fears abusive grownups hurting them in vain controlling and narcissistic crushing their spirits killing all their hopes sometimes they want to die it seems their only way out of such misery...
they, I, together we choose another plan they’ll live on one condition those grownup bleepers will be reported
the cops will come and bring their troops youth workers and the like
more time will run its course over days and weeks and months until this youth is safe from physical, sexual and emotional wrath
but n’er from her bad dreams and not from all her wounds no, indeed that takes an entire lifetime she’ll start the healing process a little bit here and there a break for a while trying to ignore the pain reprieve from all those memories
and on and on it goes the victim pays a lifetime assailant n’er long enough
who said life’s even fair? the wounded try to mend their broken and bruised souls abusers lick their wounds playing victim of their sins who said life’s even fair?
...one last yawn, reciting her 3 Hail Mary's an Act of Contrition and prays for a better day. (c) Cheryl-Lynn '19/01/06
2018 started with residues of 2017 months to heal the soul by the ocean in California and the soul slowly mended. Yet, the body takes so much longer to heal. This was a year of change, negotiating her first collective agreement…something she never thought she would ever take part in but thinking of her peers, she wanted to give as much as she could to these angels who make a difference in the lives of youths and heroes of the night.
Positive change is on the rise comingled with a tsunami of
service demands. Let’s try to focus on
the positive changes and see how they can manage the flood of demands a wee bit
The summer was blessed with a trip to Mexico celebrating the
promise of forever love between her son and his new bride. A beach wedding and
dining by the ocean at sunset. How can
one not embrace life and love!?
Here we are the last day of 2018 and she still feels like
she is playing catch-up. 2018, a year of
shedding tears, not enough to fill an ocean but certainly enough to fill a
lake, a river or pond. She wonders how fresh water fish could thrive in salt
Today, she listens to their pain for the last time this year. She feels her joints screaming blue murder. Is it possible to have sympathy pains in your body for the emotional suffering of others? The more the hours move forward, she feels her body get heavier and heavier (no wait, that might be the chocolates and mid-afternoon pastries!). Ah, yes, comfort food…soothing taste buds feeling like that nice cookie and milk mama gave after she had fallen and she had kissed her boo boo.
wedding vows by the ocean
barefoot on the beach
rolling with the waves
salt water floater
wedding vows by the ocean
even spirits are moved
Mom’s picture fell
barefoot on the beach
playful and delightful
This is the time of year she hears pros and cons (mostly cons) of Baby It’s Cold Outside, so she decided to watch the video once more. The message she remembers getting from this since she was a young child was “DON’T TRUST MEN!” She learned that if you go home for a nightcap at a man’s home or hotel room or whatever room he borrowed for a night was, do NOT trust him. You must keep your drink of soda in your hand ALWAYS even if you have to go to the washroom…like her mom always said, “Keep your drink within your sights at ALL time because your drink could be spiked with drugs.”
Isn’t that intersesting that in the 1960’s her mom was warning her about getting raped but we did not say that word in those days. When an older man, creepy drunk uncle, granddad or dad was too touchy feely, you were told to just squirm away politely. Yep, none of this was discussed openly. Why not? Why did we not just call things as they were? A lot of girls and young women may have skirted sexual assault, incest and RAPE. You know that 4-letter word that describes NO CONSENT!
Yeah, this really irks her thinking back how things were swept under the rug.
She remembers in the late 90’, newly single in her 40’s. She did not know much about dating. What does one know about dating when one is engaged at 16? She remembers going to a dance club with her girlfriends and at 02:45 (15 mins before closing time) the vultures checking their prey from the mezzanine would come down to pick a gift to take home…or hope to take home. A freebie, no doubt since they were too cheap to even buy a lady a drink. The music got louder the last hour before closing and the beat sounded like jungle music. Really!! And that is when she started smoking again so she could sit at the bar and give an excuse she had to finish her cigarette to NOT accept to dance with any of the losers fellas there. She liked dancing with her girl friends but when men tried to join them, she felt it an intrusion of their free spirited fun. It was sad to see how some people (men and women) hoped to meet the person of their dreams at a meat market dance club.
What is that about? Looking to score with a drunk woman was their goal. How pathetic is that? The remorse the next morning and that was not guilty feelings from the hunter but the prey turned victim turned guilt ridden blaming herself that she should not have dressed like that, should not have drunk so much, should not have gone out to that dance club…period!
And so she watches the video a third time in one sitting and tears run down her cheek as a memory of something- something flashes by her eyes…a memory she had buried so far away, she never had time to process. And now the song Baby It’s Cold Outside plays for a third time and she mourns her innocence of long ago, she grieves her loss of makebelieve where peole do not take advantage of other people. She mourns the thought that doctors, priests, dentists, ministers, teachers and other professionals are to be trusted, that fathers all over the world only love and respect their daughters, that dirty old men are only those dressed in dirty ragged clothes.
Now that song takes on a whole new meaning. The song makes her sad, then angry and she is disgruntled on her way to work and impatient with people sitting too close to her on the bus and she mourns her innocence because innocence used to be oh, so bliss.
when she was six
laughing with GrandPapa
watching her hero
resilience and honour
when she was six
heros began to fall