Goodbye Mr. Monk Troibun Daily Moments

I am going to miss this show. I used to watch it when it first came out when I lived in Toronto. At that time, it just felt too weird watching a man who had similar behaviours that one of my colleagues had. Granted, Mr. Monk’s were more exaggerated but I remember how this particular colleague got on the nerves of many of my peers. He was sweet….no, not Mr. Monk, but my colleague but like Mr. Monk he bordered on annoying, brilliant and absolutely frustrating.

So a month ago I started binging on Mr. Monk’s 8 seasons on Netflix. I laughed, cried, connected and warmed up to this guy in so many ways. Last night was my last episode and I am saddened to have had to say goodbye yet, knew it was time. There are just so many more you can add to his situation of chasing the murderer of his wife, Trudy.

I loved that guy and everyone associated with him. It is a great show on detective work and mostly on tolerance and true friendship.

So tonight, I decided to write a blurb to say Goodbye, Mr. Monk, you will be missed.

routines 
obsessive patterns 
dependable 
 
routines 
repetitive 
safety in numbers 
 
obsessive patterns 
annoying rituals 
yet comforting 
 
dependable 
always accountable 
Goodbye Mr. Monk 
 
© tournesol ‘19-02-05

seeking downy comfort (troibun)

Sleep...that is what she seeks, 
sleep ...that is what she needs 
fall into oblivion 
crib of downy comfort 
sleep...that is what she seeks 
sleep...that is what she needs 
finally at the crack of dawn 
just before those early chirps 
eyelids sealing shut... 
 
 
running aimlessly 
breathing heavily 
strangers in the night 
 
running aimlessly 
hear the sounds of heathens 
searching for the light 
 
breathing heavily 
lethal  inhalations 
fill her lungs with sin 
 
strangers in the night 
flee as she awakens 
nightmares now begin 
 

Image may contain: cat


 
waiting patiently 
steady purring heals the soul 
nature, at its best

(c) Tournesol '19/01/25

pure addictions. Troiku. Daily Moments Jan 19/19

Sitting in her late mother’s rocking recliner, she pets her black cat gently. The silky fir feels  nice to her touch and the more she takes pleasure in stroking her tiny head and slender body she feels her heart beating slower. The loud steady vibrations of the purring is making her smile.

It’s like getting a booster shot of valium,, a third glass of wine or a few tokes of MJ. The lightheaded feeling makes her smile again and she admires that sweet innocence of her one year old cat.

She feels blessed. Her other cat with her hypnotic eyes also comfort her. She is truly a lucky woman.

Soft silkiness
Chasing worries away
Soothing purrs

Soft silkiness
Scent of a newborn
Melting all hearts

Chasing worries away
Effective and addictive
Like a drug

Soothing purrs
Nature’s gift
To mankind

© Tournesol ‘19/01/19 Daily moments pure addictions. Troiku

Daily Moments January 14, 2019 dancing diamonds

Walking to work she treads carefully on the slippery path to work.  Certain areas are covered with a thin layer of white crust that catches her eye  and warms her heart.
 
 
Diamonds  
Scores on a backdrop 
dancing underfoot 
 
Diamonds 
Beauty frozen in time 
Giggling on snow 
 
Scores on a backdrop 
Floating in the cosmos 
Granting wishes 
 
Dancing underfoot 
Despite the freezing cold 
Blinding baby blues 
 
© Tournesol ‘19-01-14 
 
Daily Moments January 14, 2019  dancing diamonds   
 
 
 
 
 

sighs of powerlessness ~ Troibun

After snoozing the alarm four times, she rolls over and greets her bff, petting her thick soft fur and whispering “I love you’s”. She then finally rises to the challenge of another new work week. Shuffling to her other bff, she opens the door to the guest room and hears the joyful purrs and meows this unique creature has. Her name is Kali. She runs up to her big, fluffy sister, Bette and is greeted with a hiss. No problem, little Kali seems to be thinking and she runs to her mistress for a pet and then lies on her tummy stretching her front paws about a metre distant from Big Sis and waits for some sign that maybe today will be the day they will play…such a patient little thing!

It is amusing to watch these two felines as she runs a hot bath to oil her old joints and then she moves on to the morning REAL priority: starting the coffee and feeding the cats.

Another week is starting and she tries very hard not think about it. Although she loves the support she offers, she is finding less comfort in the environment which no longer seems to shed enough light. She can literally hear the grumbling from within her peers’ body language and darkness hovering over their heads…

 

relentless 
deafening screams within
daunting reminders
 
relentless
dark clouds casting shadows
foreboding
 
deafening screams within
hearing their disturbing tales
smothered in despair
 
daunting reminders
exhaling melancholy
sighs of helplessness
 
© Tournesol ‘19/01/13
 
bff means best feline friend.

dreaming of springtime (troibun)

© Clr’17

The cold, oh the bitter cold sinks into her bones. The icy streets on her way home make her shuffle like an old lady. Always fearing another fall, she leans tentatively on her cane.

(troiku)

dreaming of springtime
lilacs and cherry blossoms
budding promise

dreaming of springtime
lovers walking hand in hand
kissing under big oak trees

lilacs and cherry blossoms
a butterfly’s delight
scents of her youth

budding promise
garden weddings
happily ever after

(c) Tournesol ’19/01/06

Daily Moments January 6 2019 dreaming of springtime Troibun

Road trips (troiku – daily moments Jan 5, 2019)

(c) OliGagnon 2003
Remembering long ago short family road trips. They had little to say after so many years. The hum of the motor slowly put the children in the back seat to sleep and she was left with her thoughts. She would make up movies in her head where she was another person, vibrant and confidant.

remembering 
family drives 
country roads 
 
remembering 
searching 
from her  window 
 
family drives
muted journeys
movies in her head 
 
country roads 
fields of wild flowers 
endless possibilities 
 
 
© Tournesol ‘19/01/05 
 
Daily Moments January 5 2019  Road Trips 
 
 
 

Remembering (troibun) Daily Moments Jan 5/19

It’s 1950 something…

She was always a daydreamer ever since a young child. As she grew up she would change the endings of movies she had seen and create different scenarios. Life is like that! Movies hold only one script of a possibility.

Imagine if fathers would clean the house, cook the meals, do the laundry, shop at the grocery store, bring the children to the doctor and tuck them in! Mothers would come home after a long day at work greeted by their husband holding a chilled glass of white wine or maybe a cup of tea.

Imagine if fathers walked the children to school and talked to the teacher when they had belly aches or that boy kept pulling her hair! Imagine if fathers sat patiently at the kitchen table helping children learn their ABC’s!

Such a silly dream she had in the 1950’s but it would have been a nice change to see.

 
tripping 
falling down the stairs 
who kissed the boo boo? 
 
tripping 
Daddy catches her 
before she falls 
 
falling down the stairs 
someone pushed her 
heart aches more than flesh
 
who kissed the boo boo 
waking up to reality 
mothers know best

© Tournesol ‘19/01/05 
Daily Moments January 5 2019   Remembering  Troibun

Baby it’s cold outside

This is the time of year she hears pros and cons (mostly cons) of Baby It’s Cold Outside, so she decided to watch the video once more. The message she remembers getting from this since she was a young child was “DON’T TRUST MEN!” She learned that if you go home for a nightcap at a man’s home or hotel room or whatever room he borrowed for a night was, do NOT trust him. You must keep your drink of soda in your hand ALWAYS even if you have to go to the washroom…like her mom always said, “Keep your drink within your sights at ALL time because your drink could be spiked with drugs.”

Isn’t that intersesting that in the 1960’s her mom was warning her about getting raped but we did not say that word in those days. When an older man, creepy drunk uncle, granddad or dad was too touchy feely, you were told to just squirm away politely. Yep, none of this was discussed openly. Why not? Why did we not just call things as they were? A lot of girls and young women may have skirted sexual assault, incest and RAPE. You know that 4-letter word that describes NO CONSENT!

Yeah, this really irks her thinking back how things were swept under the rug.

She remembers in the late 90’, newly single in her 40’s. She did not know much about dating. What does one know about dating when one is engaged at 16? She remembers going to a dance club with her girlfriends and at 02:45 (15 mins before closing time) the vultures checking their prey from the mezzanine would come down to pick a gift to take home…or hope to take home. A freebie, no doubt since they were too cheap to even buy a lady a drink. The music got louder the last hour before closing and the beat sounded like jungle music. Really!! And that is when she started smoking again so she could sit at the bar and give an excuse she had to finish her cigarette to NOT accept to dance with any of the losers fellas there. She liked dancing with her girl friends but when men tried to join them, she felt it an intrusion of their free spirited fun. It was sad to see how some people (men and women) hoped to meet the person of their dreams at a meat market dance club.

What is that about? Looking to score with a drunk woman was their goal. How pathetic is that? The remorse the next morning and that was not guilty feelings from the hunter but the prey turned victim turned guilt ridden blaming herself that she should not have dressed like that, should not have drunk so much, should not have gone out to that dance club…period!

And so she watches the video a third time in one sitting and tears run down her cheek as a memory of something- something flashes by her eyes…a memory she had buried so far away, she never had time to process. And now the song Baby It’s Cold Outside plays for a third time and she mourns her innocence of long ago, she grieves her loss of makebelieve where peole do not take advantage of other people. She mourns the thought that doctors, priests, dentists, ministers, teachers and other professionals are to be trusted, that fathers all over the world only love and respect their daughters, that dirty old men are only those dressed in dirty ragged clothes.

Now that song takes on a whole new meaning. The song makes her sad, then angry and she is disgruntled on her way to work and impatient with people sitting too close to her on the bus and she mourns her innocence because innocence used to be oh, so bliss.

big eyes
gazing admiringly
when she was six

big eyes
laughing with GrandPapa
watching her hero

gazing admiringly
resilience and honour
GrandMaman

when she was six
heros began to fall
GrandPapa died

© Tournesol ‘ 18 /12/21

Image result for big eyes by margaret keane
(c) Margaret Keane

I love this artist that I discovered in the movie made for her and walking along the rainy streets of San Francisco two years agoshe found her gallery. It was like a child walking into a candy store.

 

summoning reverie ~ troibun Daily Moments Dec 1, 2018



message 
in my dream 
alerting me 
 
message 
urgency 
life and death 

in my dream 
you slept next to me 
then awakened me 
 
alerting me 
over and over again 
then I knew 
 

November 30th, 2014 I dreamed the same dream three times.  It was scary but you were there with me in my bed, trying to save a child from death.  

I forced myself awake for it scared me so…then slipped back into slumber and the same scene appeared two more times. And so, at four in the morning, on December 1st, I waited until dawn to call the nursing home.  I knew there had to be something wrong…no one had warned me. Not one relative had called me but I knew because you came to me and I knew you wanted me by your side. 

The nurse at the nursing home said softly “Come quick, she does not have much longer.”  The taxi took so long to get there or maybe I just wished he could have gone over the speed limit.  But an hour later, I was by your side all day and  all night until passed midnight…you raised your head slightly and turned towards me, taking your last breath.  


Blessed I am 
you could not speak 
you found a way 
 
blessed I am 
to be  
by your side 
 
you could not speak 
but acted out your plea 
in my sleep 
 
you found a way 
with the grace of God 
to summon me.   
 
© Tournesol ‘18-12-01 

Daily Moments December 1 2018  Summoning reveries   Troibun