hope for our future ~ August 21 2019

where has all the passion gone?

values and ideals
pushing you forward
once upon a time
you made a difference
where are you now?

ads boasting
a cause
a service
actors pretending to care

where has all the passion gone?

hungry children
desperate mothers
parents searching answers
ALL
represent our future
where is all the help?

I can’t help notice
posts on social networks
where agencies show off their deeds
I recognize some of these people
and wonder,
Do they really fucking care?
If they were paid just a little less
would they still be so impressed?

I look at ads and articles
media coverage of this and that
important people
acting like they care
they have a cause that counts
but is that just an act?

What drives these people
IF it’s true?
can dollars barter with passion?
what drives people to act and help?
what truly motivates?

Is the passion still there?
or are all these people who I see
like minions on political campaigns
do they even fucking care?
where are their values and ideals
what truly pushes one forward?

once upon a time
some of you actually made a difference
where are you all now?

am I blind or just too synical?
perhaps a bit of both
why do the ones who care just leave?
do they pick up a brand new cause
invest their heart and soul…again?

I hope this is but a halting spell
to catch your breath
start over again

I have to believe in this way
so I can live another day
with faith in our humanity.

those values and ideals
that keep pushing you forward
once upon a time, will come back
a time you made a difference
I have to feel you will come back
because all life form matters.

                     weeping
                    seeking hope for living
                     under the willow

(c) Tournesol ’21/08/2019

Daily moments – August 21, 2019

endings and losses Free Verse

Today I learned that a very special person in my life will be leaving…going far away and it saddens me very much. Loss is part of everyday life. I know that but it doesn’t make it any easier. My first reaction is sadness, then anger at whoever pushed someone away, then sadness again and I swim in that for quite some time. Sometimes guilt creeps up if I think of what I should have, could have sad when he was in my life and then I dive back down to sadness…so as I wallow in my grief this is what I have to say…

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break

we experience loss every day, every minute
ooos there goes by a minute already!

spiritual gurus keep telling us
to be present, remain in the now
it takes many losses and defeats
to come to a place of now
to finally understand what the gurus say
enjoy each precious moment of the day

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break

tell your friend she is pretty
thank your colleague for their support
tell your manager how helpful he has been
just don’t waste precious time away
enjoy each priceless moment of the day

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break

tell your son how special his is
tell your daughter how
you wish you were strong like her
thank your mother for everything
that you have taken to help you strive
tell your father how you feel
just don’t waste precious time away
enjoy each priceless moment of the day

remember the good times
you’ve shared with friends and family
discard the bad times
once you’ve learned from them
even when you say goodbye
to a dear friend
their memory is always with you
right there in the crux of your heart
no one can take that away from you
even after you’ve said goodbye

losses and endings not easy to take
saying goodbye makes my heart break
so just don’t waste precious time away
enjoy each priceless moment of the day
embrace your loved ones
like it’s your very last day.

© Cheryl-Lynn 20/08/2019

in loving memory of a great man (free verse)

No photo description available.

Can`t seem to find the words
the mind is just so numb
cracks etched upon my heart
memories start to form
lines on every vein
telling each a different story
good, caring, funny
warm, loving, happy
smart, wise and witty,
A hundred and one adjectives
Never enough for this fine man

that time he whispered softly,
“Now be careful when you date,
that no man breaks your heart”
Handing me a tiny teddy
That held a great big heart
he gave me one fine Christmas
My first, away from home

Oh! Remember my first date
At Phantom of the Opera!
so frazzled on what to wear!
Fred and Mae just sat down calmly
on their maple Vilas couch
watching the little fashion show
helped me choose what to wear

those nights coming home
after a date with so and so…
a bottle of Kahlua
a shot glass and a note
“Hope you had a nice time,
Here’s a nightcap for you,
before you go to bed”
that time that we three had dinner
and then he smiled and asked
smacked his lips mischievously
“Wanta share a joint with me,
It’s one of Wardy’s homegrown?”
I thought about it
mulled it over
and said to myself,
“Why not?!”
I felt very safe
with Mae & Fred
and was plenty curious too!!
Had not experimented
In my teens with LSD or pot
a goody two shoes I was a lot
the sixties and the seventies…
never dated much either
I married my teenage sweetheart
When I was just fifteen
I think mid-life made me daring
at forty-five I was bold
I tried my very first joint
just a few puffs here and there
and off to Disneyland I was!
Guess I was not a good candidate
or as my cousin Ward would say,
“Cuz, you sure are a cheap date!”

He was there when I moved
five hours away from home
he and his wife made sure
I was safe in my new home
He pushed me to exercise
Walking a mile after work
Then we’d eat that chunky soup
Homemade by Mae each week

We talked about life and helping people
Psychology and mental health
he understood me and my work
I could feel his fatherly pride
His heart that swelled inside
for all that I have done
and I’ll cherish all those times
he gave so selflessly
altruism his middle name

We both loved to read
And when he finally retired
He joined a book club
The only male reader there
But Fred was so accustomed
Exceptions were his ordinary

We shared a few novels
Discussed them for awhile
I wish I’d had more time
Discussed with him Green Mile
Those stories that made you think
I treasured his insights and wisdom
His thirst for learning
Never quite quenched
There was so much in life to learn
Feeding on medicine and therapies
nothing was beneath or above him
Except of course technology
Computers did drive him mad!

a loving and generous man
how could you not admire
A man of such great depth
quick and clever
kind and compassionate
he never missed a beat
devoted… compassionate

Until we meet again
Uncle Fred
I so hope you are dancing
Speed walking and jogging,
free of all aches and pains
walking up, one by one,
those golden stairs beckon
you to heaven

© Cheryl-Lynn August 7, 2019

on healing (free verse)

Remembering
I wept
Reliving, 
Shedding tears
hidden 
from yesteryear
And then I breathed
Feeling relieved
And then I knew
I was healed
A little more
than yesterday
humbly
counting my blessings,
I pray

© Clr‘19/08/03


I had forgotten I purchased this book three years ago. I cannot help but feel connected with every word rereading her words…Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

 

reflections on Father’s Day ~ That Split Second Wink ~ Free Verse

Mom June 22, 1926-Dec 2, 2014

Mom is like a duvet
puffy feather filled pillows
cotton candy and chocolate sundae,
her voice is like silk
mixed with sparkles and glitter
and when I am sad or sick
she’s like warm milk and honey

he is like a painting
handsome and colourful
but unfeeling and cold
scratchy like a wool blanket
on a bed of cockleburs
BUT once in a blue moon
a wink that melts my heart
too bad winks last a split second…
how I wish a wink was infinite
eternal … everlasting!
now there’s just a faint memory
of that split-second wink
that faint smile and husky voice
calling me “kiddo”
making me feel 10ft tall.

Grand Papa

when I think of Father’s Day
I see Grand Papa crawling on the floor
pretending to be a lion
making me giggle and laugh so loud
holding me in his arms
rocking me in his favourite chair
love painted on every surface of his face
watching him jigging and playing the harmonica
loving him for the short time he was in my life…

img_6491

when I think of Father’s Day
I think of Uncle Bernie
he would smile, tickle and tease me
take me in his convertible with the top down
splash in his cool motorboat
even saved me in the river one day
he walked me down the aisle
on my wedding day, and…
will always be in my heart.

Uncle Fred & Aunt Mae

when I think of Father’s Day
I think of Uncle Fred too
he watched me get ready for my dates
when I was forty-five years old!
an overgrown teenager, starting out
all over again
he hugged me and warned me
not to give up my heart too quick,
was there to comfort me
when I took back my heart…mending it
he pushed me to do better
and believed in me

©Clr;17 Mom & Fred A true love story

when I think of Father’s Day
I think of my stepfather…Fred
the love of Mom’s life…a true Love Story
just like the movie and more…
he came to my high school graduation
even came to my college grad too
he and Mom celebrated my scholarship
with my very first drink…
of course, a Tom Collins for beginners
he paid for my wedding ceremony,
paced the floor when I was in labour …TWICE
he loved my mom so much
and that was our common bond

How lucky I was to have so many fathers
loving me, holding my heart in their hands
believing in me, comforting me,
how blessed I’ve been all my life!

© Clr ‘2019/06

who said life’s even fair? (free verse)

Painting by Mae Giroux, Oakville, On. (my dear aunt)

 
she must get to sleep! 
in less than an hour 
bloody birds will peep 
chirping away with joy 
waiting for a new dawn 
but, 
for an insomniac 
their fervor makes  her yawn 
sometimes makes her go mad! 
 
still 
she must sleep 
in four hours the alarm will buzz 
grating at her every pore 
beep beep beep beep beep 
digging deep under her skin
annoying bleeping thing! 
 
today she returns to work 
a five day break she took 
away from tears 
away from pain 
away from fears 
abusive grownups 
hurting them in vain 
controlling 
and narcissistic 
crushing vulnerable souls
killing all their hopes 
sometimes they want to die 
it seems 
their only way  
out of such misery... 
 
unless 

her colleagues and she
together with the youth
they choose  
another plan 
they’ll live on one condition 
those bleeping grownups 
will be reported 
 
the cops will come 
and bring their troops 
youth workers and the like 
 
 
and yet, 
 
more time will run its course 
over days and weeks and months 
until this youth is truly safe 
from physical, 
sexual 
and emotional harm
 
but n’er from their nightmares
and not from all their wounds 
no, indeed that takes 
an entire lifetime 
they’ll start the healing process 
a little bit here and there 
a break for a while 
trying to ignore the pain 
reprieve from all those memories 
 
and on and on it goes 
the victim pays a lifetime 
assailant n’er enough time!
 
who said life’s even fair? 
the wounded try to mend 
their broken and bruised souls 
abusers lick their wounds 
playing victim of their sins 
pleading time they've served,
too bad, they'll usually win!
who said life’s even fair?

...one last yawn,
reciting her Hail Mary's
an Act of Contrition
and prays for a better day.
(c) Cheryl-Lynn '19/01/06
edited April 17, 2019

seeking downy comfort (troibun)

Sleep...that is what she seeks, 
sleep ...that is what she needs 
fall into oblivion 
crib of downy comfort 
sleep...that is what she seeks 
sleep...that is what she needs 
finally at the crack of dawn 
just before those early chirps 
eyelids sealing shut... 
 
 
running aimlessly 
breathing heavily 
strangers in the night 
 
running aimlessly 
hear the sounds of heathens 
searching for the light 
 
breathing heavily 
lethal  inhalations 
fill her lungs with sin 
 
strangers in the night 
flee as she awakens 
nightmares now begin 
 

Image may contain: cat


 
waiting patiently 
steady purring heals the soul 
nature, at its best

(c) Tournesol '19/01/25

does the universe even care?

mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
does the universe even care? 
 
summer love that has to end 
saying goodbye in September 
broken hearts and stolen dreams 
lovers mourn in muted screams 
wishing they would not remember 
 
autumn in its amber shades 
masking truths too hard to bear 
does the universe even care? 
 
school becomes a new distraction 
mothers scrimping for more pennies 
children’s shoes will not endure 
humbled with their meagre meal 
peanut butter spread too thin 
 
mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
does the universe even care? 
 
October ends in farce and fury 
poverty clothed in Halloween 
witches taunting mockingly  
nary a princess or a queen 
dreading winter, parents worry 
 
mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
does the universe even care? 
 
December heaves a downy blanket 
void of presents and empty cupboards 
January weighs a thousand woes 
hungry bellies and frozen toes 
housing they cannot afford 
 
mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
does the universe even care? 
 
social services cannot keep up 
greedy leaders just turn away 
their pockets lined with children's dreams 
parents working night and day 
politics drowning all their screams 
 
mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
does the universe even care? 
 
blindly seeking for a break 
depression hovers constantly 
winter nearing to an end 
melancholy lurking silently 
hiding spring’s utopia 
 
mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
does the universe even care? 
 
bound in darkness and despair 
breaking through with fiery rage 
some may find an ounce to share 
fill them with ample courage 
reaching out to one who cares 
 
mid-season blues 
like summer draughts that bring despair 
someone out there really cares! 
 
© Cheryl-Lynn  ‘19-01-23  
http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/  Adults  1-833-456-4566 
For residents in Quebec 1-866-APPELLE   (1-866-277-3553) 
 
Kids Help Phone – Jeunesse Jécoute - Youths and young adult 
www.kidshelpphone.ca  www.jeunessejecoute.ca  1 800 668 6868  
 
USA https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  1-800-273-8255 

snow kissed cheeks

Dogs and cats stray
snow showers instead today
angel kissed my cheek

after a day of mourning
remembering and longing
rain clouds bowed away

such a welcome relief
fills my heart
fluttering butterflies

how I miss that blue
butterfly
maman, tu me manques
blue my favourite hue
how I knew twas you

ah but snow flakes
change everything
whiteness purifies
lightens grieving hearts

wish the snow would fall
a foot or two or three
hear the hum of snow ploughs
soft thump of falling snow

lying on the downy snow
waving arms and legs
giant snow angels
made by yours truly

dogs and cats stray
snow showers
improved my day
snow kissed cheek

(c) Tournesol’18/12/04

Daily moments December 4. 2018

Dear Emma, “and what about patience?”

when will the darkness cease
day after day
night after night
light hovers behind rain clouds
trying to rescue her
looking for relief

she reads fiction
but
the darker kind
thrillers and killers
of demented minds
still
it’s an escape
her reality is boring
drab, greyish taupe
like the colour of mud

when will the darkness cease
day after day
night after night
light hovers behind rain clouds
trying to rescue her

music tends to rise her spirits
lyrics may not always
bringing her to a darker place
long ago
perhaps unfinished business
ghosts from her past
haunting her day and night
taunting her to give up

her humble abode breathes memories
dead and alive, people who matter
exhaling
in contradictory salutations
leaving her more confused
riled with shame and blame
fills her soul with guilt

when will the darkness cease
day after day
night after night
light hovers behind rain clouds
trying to rescue her

it all started months ago
her body let her down
joint after joint
abandoning her
leaving her vulnerable
robbing her of so much joy
walking feebly with a cane
worried for another fall,
a sprain, a tear
that heals so slowly

when will the darkness cease
day after day
night after night
light hovers behind rain clouds
trying to rescue her

mind and body
work in tandem
whispering mockingly
awaiting her decline

when did it become
them and me?
when did they become her enemy?

the mind plays tricks
distorted reality
tries to fill her mind
such energy it takes
pushing it away
blocking every crevice of her soul.

They will not win!
she is too smart
and loves life
way too much to give in

she will wait, give it time
her body needs to heal
her soul needs to recuperate
patience is her weapon
compassion and self-love
her antibiotic

when will the darkness cease
day after day
night after night
light hovers behind rain clouds
trying to rescue her
she will use the power of imagery
feel the sun warm her soul
make her mind and body whole.

(c) Cheryl-Lynn 18/09/15