looking out my window
genuine and refined
best feline friend
looking out my window
only she can see
ghosts of my past
healing every fibre
of my soul
© Tournesol ‘19-01-18
in my dream
life and death
in my dream
you slept next to me
then awakened me
over and over again
then I knew
November 30th, 2014 I dreamed the same dream three times. It was scary but you were there with me in my bed, trying to save a child from death.
I forced myself awake for it scared me so…then slipped back into slumber and the same scene appeared two more times. And so, at four in the morning, on December 1st, I waited until dawn to call the nursing home. I knew there had to be something wrong…no one had warned me. Not one relative had called me but I knew because you came to me and I knew you wanted me by your side.
The nurse at the nursing home said softly “Come quick, she does not have much longer.” The taxi took so long to get there or maybe I just wished he could have gone over the speed limit. But an hour later, I was by your side all day and all night until passed midnight…you raised your head slightly and turned towards me, taking your last breath.
Blessed I am
you could not speak
you found a way
blessed I am
by your side
you could not speak
but acted out your plea
in my sleep
you found a way
with the grace of God
to summon me.
© Tournesol ‘18-12-01
Daily Moments December 1 2018 Summoning reveries Troibun
Each week is a mystery nowadays. No, actually each day is a surprise with the weather. Last week she surrendered to her warm down filled coat and even wore her ski mask walking home! And this week the rain washed all the snow away and little bits of ice hang on for dear life (or to scare the life out of some poor clumsy person like her!)
The first days of warmer weather were welcomed for sure but now, it is with mixed feelings. She looks out the window with total apathy. “What again! more grey skies?!” She shuffles back to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. “Not enough coffee” she sighs like a martyr and takes out the espresso beans and grinds enough for her pot and a little bit more so she does not come up empty handed if she wants a cuppa later in the day.
Her cats are sitting on the carpet looking at her expectantly. The black kitten, Kali, wants to play but would be just as content to cuddle. She will soon be a year old in two weeks. Bette, on the other hand, looks up at her with her dreamy emerald eyes and barely utters a”meow”. When she gets her mistress’ attention, she forces out a few more sounds pleading for food. Not a surprise to see that from this voluptuous Siberian cat who loves to eat.
While the coffee is brewing, Emma decides to make her bff’s (best feline friends) work a little for their food like true feline hunters. She takes out her fishing-pole wand with long feathers attached. Bette is really into the game and shows off to her competitor by jumping up and falling on her back ready to eat that silly bird like prey. Kali runs back and forth, so innocent and clueless but succeeds to catch her prey a few times too.
Treats are out and food for the beasts and now the mistress sits by the window sipping her cup of java with a sense of dread. It is her day off and she had plans to get things done and purchase those Nordic Walking Poles today. Looking at the jam packed parking lot of the mall across the street discourages her to even step out of her comfy chair.
Her head is heavy with a million tiny hammers knocking simultaneously and she hopes the caffeine may help a little. It is challenging to be cheerful looking out at so much grey today.
mud, clay, sand
turn to dust
mourning our loss
footsteps on rich soil
© Tournesol ‘ 18 – 11 – 30
Morning reflections – another grey day
A week ago yesterday, I adopted a new kitty of 9 months. Well, I suppose I should say a young cat since she is a teenager now and not a little kitty. She is a beautiful black domestic, long hair feline with the most elegant demeanour. At first look when I visited the foster home a month ago, I was surprised to see her tiny face. Usually, (I thought) most kittens had that baby face…round and chubby but not her. I was surprised how friendly she was with a perfect stranger too and did not even blink an eye when the foster mummy put her in my arms.
Unfortunately, the foster mum explained that my cat had to be up to date with her vaccines before exposing this new feline, the shelter named Bella2. I had been putting treats for Bette for the past month in her carrier (which she only used once in 6 years) to get her used to going in there to see the Vet. By the time it was time to leave for the appointment, I almost got her in the carrier but felt uncomfortable being firm and pushing what was left…her big bushy tail and let her out. My friend was driving me to her vet and I asked her to come in and put Bette in the carrier as I just was not able to. She has 6 cats, 4 kittens and their feral mummy, very feral and one or two of her own cats So yeah, she is better than I am with cats. She is also a saviour for me. She had watched Bette when I was away in Mexico
Bette fussed very little and went into the carrier. By the time we got to the vet, Bette stopped meowing. My friend brought her into the office of the vet who is also an acquaintance from her home country. I registered her name with the technicians and when it was time to see the vet, I knocked on the door of his office, and Bette was lying quietly on her side on the desk as my friend and the vet were chatting. Wow! He must be a cat whisperer or something, I thought!
Bette was putty in his arms. She never tried to get away on that stainless steel table either. The technician came in later to give me instructions and Bette was still docile. When it was time to leave, I asked the technician to put her in the carrier…I still did not feel calm enough and if Bette feels my stress, well, all hell breaks loose. I am such a wuss. I was the same as a parent, I’m afraid.
Now I had to wait another two weeks as the vet said Bette had to build her immune system before another feline was introduced into our home. I felt so bad having the foster mum keep her another 2 weeks, so I offered to pay for expenses and her time. She refused, as she is a very devoted feline foster mum and suggested I give an extra donation to the shelter which I did.
I had been looking to adopt a black medium to long hair kitten for months. I had chosen Krishna for a male cat and Kali for a female. When I first visited Bella, I found Frankie might be a nice name too in honour of Aretha Franklin but after a few days home, I felt her tiny pointy face looked so much like a Bombay cat and Kali it is.
She first started homing in my bathroom where I had placed toys, beds and a new cat tree but after 3 days I found that annoying every time I had to use the washroom. I would stay there as well to entertain her and keep her company a few times in the day and the limited space made in rather uncomfortable, so we graduated to the guest room. At least there I can sit with her, or lie on the bed and watch a show on my tablet or play with her and she has room to run.
Bette is still hissing at her but not growling as much through the screen I fashioned in front of the doorway when I leave it open for a few minutes. I put a towel to hide Kali now and give extra yummy treats and meals for Bette placed 3 feet in front of the door so she can get a scent of her new step-sister. Any positive reinforcements I am trying to help her accept Kali. Although at feeding times, Kali is too distracted with Bette…it shows she wants to just play with her. She is calm when Bette hisses as if she understands what she is going through. I’m telling you, Kali is quite special. I think Bette may also be more afraid as she has always been spooked by any change.
It is a slow process and I have to respect Bette who has been the matriarch of this entire apartment for 6 years. Watching lots of Jackson Galaxy’s shows on Youtube has helped to learn tricks too. Coincidentally, I received his latest book, Total Cat MoJo in the mail the same day Kali arrive. How cool is that?!
I got more cat toys for both cats and I find Bette is more interested to play now (that will certainly help lose some of her belly fat!).
One of our quality times together is my bath time…she is so adorable.
So that is the update of what is going on in my jardin (garden) lately.
With the beauty of Instagram I can pretend they are friend…BFF’s (Best Feline Friends)
soft and cuddly
warm my bed
two are better than one
fill me with joy
soft and cuddly
soothing to the touch
I fall asleep
warm my bed
purring machines at work
heart stops racing
(c) Tournesol ’18/10/20
The reason I adopted a black cat is the are the ones who are least adopted.
warming my window
warming my window
hot breathes smudge
from little mouths
echoes from Mother Earth
soon it shall be cold
Daily Moments September 22 2018 message in the wind Troiku
all this time searching
in my dreams
to a blank
filling her belly
fantasies and reveries
catnip and tuna
Daily reflections end of week treat Haibun
This week has not been easy at work and I only had 3 days to work!! Today is day 3 and it is a little better. With the heat and humidity, our office, again, was stuck with no AC. Yep, that is correct. The building manager sent a maintenance guy up on Tuesday who I saw up on a ladder checking out the ceiling. His prognosis (if I can call it that) was that someone in our office called up a maintenance guy to SHUT OFF all the vents. Really?!! That is the friggin[I am so polite to say friggin] excuse they gave us.
And so I have an industrial fan next to my workstation that is constantly on. Can you imagine the sound of that while taking calls? I mean these are often crisis calls. Well, Tuesday, I was feeling ill slowly and finally stayed even an hour late but when I got home, I was so happy to be in my AC cooled apartment and this year I even have one in my bedroom. But Wednesday morning, I was not feeling too good…I kept snoozing the alarm and finally got up at noonish and got to work 5 mins late. I had supervision as soon as I was getting in to boot. Fortunately, I do have a very understanding supervisor. He got it that the hot humid weather is affecting me especially my migraines. By the end of the shift it was getting about two degrees cooler…like 26 to 27C and no longer 29.
Today was the same struggle getting up as I had another migraine. I kept snoozing the phone at least 10 times. I know , silly, right?! Even my cat, Bette, was getting agitated jumping onto my bed meowing and insisting I start paying attention to her before I left for work. So I finally got up, and decided not to make a lunch but just bring fruit and treat myself tonight during my lunch break (lunch means between 5pm. To 7pm for evening workers).
And so here I am sitting at the Green Panther savouring a Falafel with a cuppa coffee with soy milk and the piece de resistance is my Chewapy cookie which is shortbread with cashew and cranberries. I will bring that back to the office and in between calls or my last break I will inhale with my coffee. A really nice way to finish off my work week.
Breaking away from a sad call
Inspired to write
© Tournesol ’18–09-09