A blessed day – Day 119 – daily moments July 10/20

She woke up feeling so pumped from her morning’s reveries.  And then she checked her email and social network and  her heart felt so warm and fuzzy from wonderful comments from friends and colleagues celebrating her twenty year anniversary at her workplace.

sweet voice echoes
igniting spirits like fire
Mother spoke to her
joining friends and colleagues
thanking her for services

and yet,
feels like thanking them
to do what she loves

Day 119 and we are still living in this heatwave…35C but feels like 40C. Opening the patio door she wanted to step out and admire the flowers on her balcony…no, not today, she sighed and quickly slid the door shut to keep the cool air inside. Feeling bless she could sit in her living room or cook in her kitchen and still admire the beauty on the other side of the glass.

(c) Clr ‘7/10/2020

heart fills with love
looking fondly at such beauty
a gift from you

© Tournesol ‘2020/07/10

Daily Moments July 10, 2020

Day 62 – budding promise ~May 15 2020 (haibun)

I remember as a first time mom how much I questioned  so much about the health and safety of our son. His first fall, I held him in my arms and cried with him…and cried some more even after he had stopped, whispering over and over, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”.

Parents in general are very proud of their children and some also like to boast…”Oh, he said his first word at “blank”…or “Oh, your son still doesn’t have teeth? Mine has five already.” Most times, you try to shrug it off but once you get home you take out Dr. Spock or any other paediatric bible you have for reassurance.

I remember our paediatrician, who was a teacher at McGill and the Head of paediatrics at the Jewish General Hospital would take phone calls from worried moms every morning from 7:30 am to 8:00am.  What a godsend!  Once he replied to my question that our son’s  teeth would be stronger if they come in later. Hmm, well, that reassured me. I tried not to boast too much  except with my mom, of course.  As a nana though I don’t hold back…grandparents have brag rights…it is WRITTEN…somewhere…:)

Today, it is May 15th and the lawns and landscapes are still quite bare.   At least it is not snowing but it would be so nice to start having some greenery on those trees. I am not even asking for flowers…just leaves! But I must have patience and embrace the tiny signs of growth…

(c) Clr 2020/05/15

limbs in wait
blossoms spreading slowly
budding promise
late bloomers growing stronger
bringing hope to the world

© Tournesol ‘2020/05/15

Day 40 -Earth Day Haibun April 22, 2020

 

Last day of my three day work week and not  too soon.  Struggling to sleep at night when the rest of the building seems to sleep  late…a neighbour that walks with heavy feet anytime from midnight to three in the  morning makes for a short night.  I am sure she does not realize this and since I am a new owner here, I have not had a chance to meet anyone except for the owner downstairs, who I have told to bang on the ceiling anytime if I am too noisy or the music or tele is too loud.

I am such a light sleeper  so even if I go to bed at 8 or 9 which I did last night, I woke up with a start  at midnight and struggled to get back to sleep hours later. Ear plugs do not seem to muffle the vibration of a person banging a closet door or plodding . I’ve chosen to sleep with my earbuds listening to  music with the volume low and yet…

rubber limbs
floating on an astral plane
snapping back
rumbling clouds shudder
from the third floor

Snow greeted me this morning on my patio as a mid-spring scenery.

Earth Day
bicentennial
snow on our lawns
so much for Mother Earth
giving us the finger

I took a nice bubble bath before my shift and watched a few short videos celebrating Earth Day.

The morning was not too bad but during lunch, I couldn’t help but check on the news to hear updates and that can get me nervous and frustrated. Lately, I notice a bubbling impatience inside my chest. Our province is still rising…over half of the country’s stats. How can you ever get used to hearing about deaths? Two friends told me this week they lost a relative…reality sucks! Whether it is 1 or 100 (which is nothing compared to Europe, I know and I can only imagine how scary it must be too…but still a life multiplied by xxxx is always too much.

My calls were more frenzied in the afternoon and it took a lot for me to concentrate…trying to ignore the simmering storm.

sadness and angst
listening to their suffering
pulses rising
muted implosions
licking salty lips

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/22

Day 40 and Earth Day (daily moments)

an Easter date Easter date Haibun April 12 2020

 

A friend sends links of live videos which offer hope and peace.  She is busy and misses out on one.  And then she sits watching news from New York and then Quebec.  Her heart aches and she cannot seem to shake off the grief for so many people.  An hour earlier she had  sent three self videos to loved ones showing how healthy and fine she is, offering best wishes for Easter.  Easter is a time to rejoice …a time for rebirth.

Another alert from her tablet sounds the arrival of a message from her friend who sends her two more links…one is gospel music which shifts her mood and the other is Andrea Bocelli: Music for Hope. She had forgotten to tune into this live.

shedding tears
this time for hope
releasing joy

Looking from her patio window, she smiles.  A couple meet in front of her building.  She wishes she could have captured the 4 inch heels but that  would have looked too nosy [chuckles].   It was so adorable to see the brief encounter and a few hours before the police car passed by checking up on the neighbourhood and social-distancing.

No photo description available.

le rendezvous
at two arms length
hearts swell

© Tournesol ‘20/04/12

living today (troibun)

Image may contain: tree, plant, sky, outdoor and nature
(c) clr’20

A month has passed already!

Since January 1st, she had been working remotely more and more. First there was the move and later, the struggles on her body traveling and walking on icy sidewalks and flu season worried her a lot. In three months she may have gone to the office five days at best. It was already her new normal. However shopping for odds and ends she needed to fix up her new home and doing her own groceries were outtings she looked forward to until March.  What she misses the most is seeing friends and family…oh my, miss those hugs!

Last night she slept thirteen hours losing part of the day. After months of sleeping four to six hours a night, she gave into her body’s screaming request. Was it the exertion from cleaning and scrubbing? Was it giving in to her chronic pain? Or was it hiding from another day? Perhaps a bit of both but her body thanks her? A much needed vacation after months of packing and unpacking. Oh! There are still many things to do but at least she had the opportunity to make her new home look decent enough and not “quite” climbing the walls (or have to wash them down too!)

What really worries her most was the unknown future. She is saddened her children and grandchildren …people who are younger than her have to be faced with a very very different world. She knew the world was changing but never thought she would be alive to see how it would impact on so many younger people…how her heart breaks thinking of this.

It’s also a time of year when she usually does a bit of cooking…home baked beans, split pea soup à la Jeanne Benoit (she’s tried a few including Ricardo’s and no one can beat Jeanne plus her added touch of course) along with ham, pâtés and tête de fromage and a variety of sweet pies. Her Grandpères are not as good as those from la Cabane à sucre but lots and lots of chocolate.

When she was younger, during la semaine sainte (holy week) her grandmaman would cook eggs in syrup for breakfast along with beans baked in molasses or maple syrup. Of course beans were a regular Sunday breakfast even outside Easter week. After Sunday mass many churchgoers would pick up home baked beans at a grocer.

She takes comfort thinking of those days, just like food giving one comfort. It is enjoyable to cook and bake for others but to do it alone is a challenge lacking so much joy, missing the smiling faces and comments of “Mmmm” and “More please”.

It’s 18:30 and as much as she has avoided hearing her prime minister or premier speak…she turns on the screen awakening her to reality.

Under grey skies
A leader talks about peace
Spring snowflakes

Under grey skies
Heavy
With new angels

A leader talks about peace
Birds chirp softly
Chasing soporifics

Spring snowflakes
Maples running gold liquid
humans may not taste

© Tournesol ’20-04-09

Daily Moments – April 9 2020 – Living Today (haibun)

A yellow van (troibun)

No alarms this morning…it is her day off. A sleep disturbed by dread and worry forces her to dive under her duvet giving her a sense of false security. It’s time to get up. No sounds in the stairwell like in the old “normal”. All in their own time now…a slower pace, a screaming silence in the halls.

Such a restless night worrying about her work yesterday. No matter how much she kept repeating, “Let it go, ride the wave and let it go”, it still stuck to her. And so she decides to look over her notes from yesterday and emails. Such a relief to humbly realize she had misinterpreted one message and a smile starts forming on her face.

She begins to write a letter of thanks to her managers for the support they have given her and her colleagues in the past ten days. It has been challenging to work from home for so many especially those with children. How to keep them busy…how to keep the teens at home without going stark raving mad?!

Looking at her street, she notices the odd cyclist braving the cold at 3C but the forecast is supposed to go up to 11 mid-day. Yes, she might go out for a walk later and wear only her Sketchers rather then winter boots…such a treat to walk in lighter footwear!

A yellow van with flashing lights parks in front of her building…her heart flip flops wondering who and what is happening? Is there a person who is sick? Is it Covid19 or something else? She dares not open her door to see in the hallway but peaks through the peephole and sees masked paramedics on her floor!  Later she sees them wheeling out a woman from her floor…

Image may contain: outdoor
(c)Clr ‘2020/03/26

She just  may not go out today…

a jogger
passing a cyclist
life goes on

a jogger
mentally balanced
physically fit

passing a cyclist
leaning on a walking stick
a man shuffles slowly

life goes on
a women in labour
cry of a newborn

© Tournesol ‘2020/03/26

Dally moments March 26th 2020 a yellow van troibun

riding the waves (haibun)

I read a poem written by Sreejit Poole from TheSeekersDungeon and it poked my muse this morning.  I just love when that happens!    TheSeekersDungeon  

***

Another grey winter (when will this season end?) Will I be engulfed again by the same dark waves or will  I try to ride them today?

I find snippets of joy when I look at my bff’s (best feline friends)…Bette who is growing like me (older, slower and fatter) and Kali, who makes me smile and frown all in one gesture. Today I will try to seek those milliseconds while riding those waves.

waking up
feels like gasping for air
wish me back to sleep

mind will just not heed
always stubbornly
poking at me

riding the waves
i try to float above
repeating my mantra

over and over
sacred and compassionate
i see her smiling

sadness looms
pushing me underwater
at least, i fall asleep

so many stories
performing in my mind
or is it a dream?

peering from one eye
another wave is coming
quickly i must dive
beneath softness and safety
my downy duvet

shifting faithfully
mantra to Hail Mary’s
urging theta waves

slipping into delta
images and narratives
distract me

shifting now and then
altering my perception
some dreams make me smile

was this a dream?
my mind is playing tricks
real’s overrated
who cares if this is fiction?
my frown turned upside down!

Shuffling from my bedroom, I’m greeted by Bette who seems to frown a bit. She’s sulking me these days because I will not let her come in my bedroom anymore. I’m tired of cleaning so much fur that weaves into the fabric of all my bedding. Kali comes racing out and flops down at my feet causing me to stop or else I might trip. She’s like a puppy rather than a feline. She follows me everywhere and sometimes races ahead of me wanting to play.

Once I sit with my coffee, Bette sits on a bench next to my chair and waits for me to pet her. This morning she refused to give me the “loving look”. You know when you look at a cat and slowly close and open your eyes…your feline friend usually closes their eyes to show they love you. Nope, not today, she’s still sulking me.

Kali drapes herself upon my chest like a universal scarf. Her loud purrs soothe me as if to help counteract the effects of my cup of java. World Health Organization should add felines as good for one’s health to lower blood pressure. I cannot help but smile at both my feline friends this morning, who simply “are” and their presence makes me feel like I am wrapped in silk and velvet.

watching them relax
waiting for the sun to peak
behind winter clouds

my furry friends
teaching me so patiently
how “to be”

 

(c) Tournesol ‘ 2020/03/06

 

Daily Moments – March 6  2020 – riding the waves