safe at night (haibun)

CLR 2014
CLR 2014

When I was very young before I even went to school, I remember making a space in my bed for my guardian angel.  I just believed there was someone special because my mother told me so. Those were years when it was quite turbulent at home with my father when he was inebriated.  I believe moving over in bed to keep that space available for my angel made me feel safe.

When I was six my GrandPapa died.  I have spoken many times about my maternal grandfather. I was living with him the year he was dying.  After he died, I never made room in my bed for my guardian angel for I always believed GrandPapa was always with me.  I would cram for exams at the last minute too many times and just before the test, I would ask my grandfather to help me remember the answers. All through elementary school, I would close my eyes at difficult questions and see the spot on the page in my science , history or geography book…I believed GrandPapa sent me cheat sheets because so many times I did not study enough in those earlier years.

When there was thunder and lightening, I was always very scared. GrandMaman would be so calm and look out the window at the lightening.  She would comfort me by telling me that GrandPapa was bowling up in heaven and that was the sound of the thunder.  He was playing for money, she said, which he would send her.  Perhaps she was trying to explain that her widow’s pension came from him.

I have a fan club up in heaven now, with many other relatives. But I always feel my grandfather is looking out for me and still pray or chant visualizing the face of my grandfather.

child in the night
felt a nudge and made room,
guardian angel

snow kissed cheek
wind whispers his presence
guardian angel

message from heaven
first snow covers the ground
guardian angel

© Tournesol ’14

Carpe Diem

35 thoughts on “safe at night (haibun)

    1. Yep, and it sticks as we get older. I am not a religious person but I am spiritual. When my son was in Kindergarten, at show and tell, he talked about a brother and sister he had. He REALLY wanted a brother too. The teacher asked what his brother’s name was because she thought there was just his sister. “Oh,” he says so innocently, “His name is Jesus.” too cute:)

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    1. Thank you so much, Hamish! That means a lot to me. On this blog and my other on Traces, I sometimes question my writing skill and when I write as I am in my journal to Emma, it comes out better.

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      1. Now that sounds like a great idea … about the new avatar … it’s actually one of my older ones and I’m not sure why it’s there .. I clicked something the other day and it changed!

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      2. ah, perhaps you were on your avatar page and if you click just to look at a photo, it takes that one…it took me about 2001 tries to understand what I was doing;) not much energy to poet….is that a verb? to poet…haha…just got int…have to walk soooooo much slower now like a lady of 101 with the bumpy icy sidewalks ..first day back is not easy. Maybe I will get inspired looking at the prompts and your contributions:)

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