By George I finally get it! (haibun)

(haiku)

My eyes read the words,
a lotus opened, my heart
touched the light of love.

 © Cheryl-Lynn Roberts 2014/03/04

Have you ever heard the expression that when you teach you learn so much more and better? I used to say that about some of my workshops on personal and social development. When I would feel my self-esteem and self-worth slowly slipping into dark places, I knew it was high time to give a workshop on Self-esteem or Assertiveness skills.  Every time I would offer information, examples on how to enhance our self-esteem, I was reminded of my own personal struggle with this, from time to time.

It doesn’t take much really. It can be one too many criticisms on your work, a feeling you get when a lover has dumped you or the self-defeating attitude of seeking perfection…you have no choice but to feel you will never measure up…who IS perfect unless you are divine.  Well, I take that last comment back because we are all created in the image and likeness of the Divine and I believe we all have “the light” within us.  So scratch that…I digress as usual.

Where was I again? Oh, yes, rehashing former knowledge to absorb it again or better.  I find that when I am talking to callers at my work, when I am offering some guidance and giving examples, I do a quick scan…introspection … and sometimes that phone call is helping me as well. I end the call and write a few notes or take my break and reflect on what I shared. Sometimes I write a story or a poem if I feel I have tripped on an “aha” moment.

Last night I shared a few reflections by contributing to a prompt at The Seeker’s Dungeon on Secrets. I chose to write on personal experience on another blog and  write on my professional experience on this blog.  I felt there was something missing to my first offering. I like to look at all sides of a picture and then I added a second piece which was the secrets those who offend and hurt others by adding a snapshot of someone confessing his sins. I thought that was repenting, feeling guilt was a way to make it sort of alright…it was sort of a start I thought because “guilt” is such a terrible place to be, right?  Then I also could relate on some level with the priest who has to hear all sorts of confessions yet I rarely have to hear vile offences as he does.   Although I may hear of the guilt some are burdened with, their shoulders weighted heavily and I will try to help them find forgiveness and love for themselves.

But this repentance thing really got to me for I received a comment and invitation to read a post on what the true meaning of repentance is. I was absorbed and finally enlightened…and “lightened” such a burden was lifted from my shoulders as I read the beauty of grace and forgiveness. Of course I knew intellectually and remembered reading in bible class and hearing over the years in sermons that Jesus died on the cross for ALL of our sins but that is not what my church taught me. It taught me to earn forgiveness and yes, we were always judged, gauged by how much we did to fit into that “in” group of the blessed and righteous. So much pressure there was in this environment, I adopted a “I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t” so may as well do my own thing and decided to follow the Golden Rule. That is what I have tried to do most of my life.

But when I read that post on repentance, I felt relieved and comforted because you see, I didn’t understand it then, but I understand it now…

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/14

Written for: FreeWriteFridays  Here is your FWF prompt: I didn’t understand it then, but I understand it now…

fwf kellie elmore badge

 

Inspired by:

Repentance: There is nothing sorrowful about it.

The Seeker’s Dungeon

Secrets of Despair

Secrets of Despair – 2

Photo Credits: The Dance of Youths. This has always been an image I have adopted and tried to include in my work. When I created Alecoute-Ntouch I had originally wanted to use a logo resembling the Dance of Youths. For me, it represented being in harmony, in touch, être à l’écoute avec soi, with self.  The dove represented so much more than the Holy Spirit…it represented my core…my mother’s name is Colombe (that is French for dove) so you see how Picasso’s art truly spoke to me and breathed life into my work and whole being.

17 Replies to “By George I finally get it! (haibun)”

  1. There is no doubt that as a teacher you are constantly learning, I found that to be very true for me. The idea of repentance is a good philosophical argument. We touched on it before in considering the forgiveness of the offender. So much of our understanding of repentance is based around our religious upbringing. For me it is the act of repentance that matters most and understanding why we are repenting. Is it because we are truly repentant or because it gets us out of trouble. Then what does true repentance look like. I am sure there are plenty of offenders out there who have repented more for expedient reasons than for any understanding of what repentance may mean. Its an interesting question Cher, one we could argue all day I am sure.

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    1. Well, we both come from the same background and after reading that post on Repentance, it is true that the Catholic church (then) taught the doctrines of the Old Testament but always hounding we not look or read the Old Testament ( I did anyways because I love the stories…they were so colourful). But fear and judgement were our guides then. I laugh when I see a movie about the “mob” and the leader goes to confession each time he’s killed another person…:D

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      1. This is so true, we were taught about a vengeful God, in my opinion contrary to who God is. I have never liked the God of the Old Testament to me he was invented to keep the churches flocks under control. I watched 12 Years a Slave the other day and the hypocrisy of people back then to gather their slaves together and preach to them from the bible is I find almost incomprehensible. Though they did think they were doing the slaves a favour in converting them to Christianity. In recent years, like the past twenty I have moved away from organised religion, I think history and seeing the atrocities people commit In the name of God leaves much to be desired.

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  2. Cheryl…you are right…I do like your post. Not because you posted a link back to my post, but because the weight of having to earn your forgiveness is now lifted off of your shoulders.

    You now understand, that, your “right-standing” is based upon Jesus’ righteousness. It is ALL on Jesus. Repentance does not involve sorrow in any form. Although being sorry for your actions is a good thing and something that none of us would frown upon, it is, however, not something that “get’s you out of trouble.” When Jesus died, He offered to anyone who would believe…an chance to “get out of trouble”…forever!

    Jesus alone got us ALL out of trouble when He hung and died on the cross. What’s more, it was love that gave us Jesus; it was love that cleansed us from all impurities…and it is still love [from God] that blesses us and gives us hope for tomorrow.

    Bless you Cheryl, my dear sister.
    Grace and Peace to you.

    P.S. Don’t ever let the weight of sin come back on you. If it tries…remember, that Jesus Who died for your sin would never guilt you for your sin; it would never make any sense. If He did — He would be negating His sacrifice on the cross.

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    1. Thank you for your profound and kind words! I still use guilt as a barometer, however, as a way to stick by important values I adhere to in life, which is different. I impose them upon myself.

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  3. I love reading what you post! I would show up more, but for some reason I don’t get updates when you post even though I’m following.

    Thank you for writing. Sometimes you have to go through a lot to really understand that there is forgiveness even when you don’t think it’s possible.

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    1. Thank you so much!! I wonder why you don’t get the email alerts…{pondering, eyes raised to the ceiling waiting for an epiphany} …I will check on my end as well with my Stigmahurtseveryone blog too. What a relief when I saw that post on remorse!! Forgiving oneself is much harder than forgiving another person, I feel …anyway.

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