Longing for yesterday (free verse ) August 1 2020

Every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

The first few months,
She’d cry a little each day;
listening to tallies of the dead
…press conferences
Oh how she would dread!

the stats always on the rise
her home became her prison
of hope and despair

in time she’d try to manage
those blubbering crying spells
two, three or four times a week…
just a little overflow…
you know when you’re embracing life
and then you catch yourself
realizing life’s not so typical
you don’t know when it ever will be.

Every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

And those times
you think of your children
and grandchildren
and your wish has been
only for their happiness
no parent wants to see their children sad,
worried what the future may bring
you want them happy and hopeful
you want them to look forward
to newborns and christenings
to graduations and weddings
yes, those are things that make her weep
knowing their fears are also hers
she can’t remove, they’re theirs to keep

every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

today she had a few errands
the drug store,
the post office had a package
And then to her local grocer
so pleased was she
proud of her deeds
walking with her checkered cart
under midday sunny skies

Every once in a while,
she weeps of what was
and what is today.

And then she arrives
this new reality
slaps her in the face
washing, disinfecting,
wiping down every item
that was touched by others
you know… just in case

washing her favourite mask
cash back credit card
proof of ID health card
and all three condo keys

she’d looked so forward
to sit, enjoy those fresh fruits
a slice or two or maybe three
of fresh baked crusty bread
filled with berries and oranges,
and add some whipped cream cheese
and cold glass of cranberry juice

But the washing, the separating,
the storing and disinfecting
takes at least an hour or so

at last she does sit down
looks out at her balcony
flowers on her mom’s iron table
her tree she now calls her own
she weeps, of what seems so normal
yet, Is still not so
one still does not know
whenever that will be.

(c) tournesol ‘ 2020/08/01

 

Image may contain: sky, night and outdoor, text that says "how can one weep up above the dark blue sky heavens speak (C) tournesol'20"

an afterthought

how can one weep
up above the dark blue sky
heavens speak

Change (Troibun) Daily Moments August 1 2020


August always makes me feel like summer is over. Remember that feeling way back in the 1960’s when this time of month was much cooler than what we are experiencing now? Do you remember aro

und mid-August there seemed to have lots of winds and cloudy skies?
Sitting quietly, I allow my mind to drift to a time camping at Isle la Motte, Vermont. There were hardly any campers during the week and the people living in the area who had children my age were few. But there was this girl who was already a genuine teenager who hung around with me!. She was thirteen and she would bring me to the centre of the campground where there was a rotunda. Many youths hung out there when it rained and parents wanted some peace and quiet for a few hours.

The small campground was a bit like a huge family. All the children of all ages sort of got along like siblings and cousins; the parents sort of got along with each other until a few drank too much around the campfire around mid-summer but that never affected the children. No, we steered away from grown-ups as much as possible except for chores like lugging a five gallon container of water and doing the dishes. Boy that red plastic container was heavy! And I was only 11! We would take turns. Thankfully my sister would lug it most of the way…she was so strong!

I remember Tina trying to teach me the rock ‘n roll. She seemed to have two extra steps but, for some reason, it made it easier for me to do it “her” way. I now had something I could practice back home with my sister. She was already an amazing dancer. She must have it in her genes just like Mom and Dad.

Saturday nights the rotunda was lit up and if it was a clear night a wooden platform was set up next to it for people to dance. They played a lot of old fogies’ music like stuff that Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers would dance to. Haha! So teens and children either watched the adult, went to the beach with their friends or listened to Beatles records at their tent. Yes, we did have electricity.

I used to love hiding behind a tree and admire my parents dance. They actually DID look like those romantic musicals. My mom was not tall and she would just float on her tip toes never missing a step. That was probably the only time they both looked happy. Maybe that’s why I like to always remember those moments.

By mid-August we used to get the “back to school” blues. Don’t get me wrong now. I actually liked school and learning. Yeah, I was a bit of a geek…just a bit. But getting up early in the morning was the tough part. Actually, I dreaded going back to school that year because my sister was going into high school and I did not know if I would have many friends. There were some mean girls in the grade between my sister and me (she was two years older ) who were pretty jealous of her. My sister was kind to everyone and well, that make her very popular, I guess. I think some classmates were only nice to me because of my sister…now I dreaded going back to school and being alone to fend for myself. I did not like fighting. Well, with my sister I did now and then but that’s what sisters ARE supposed to do, right?

Yes, August always brings back those memories of grief and loss… transitioning. I certainly don’t feel that way these days. My goodness we still have wonderful weather and it’s warm until the end of September now. I actually look forward to autumn with all the colours. Although, my Mother’s Day flowery arrangement is getting thinner now…

Slowing down
gracefully
with age

slowing down
fewer bursts of colours
fallen petals

gracefully
bending
rustling leaves

with age
settling mindfully
beauties with time

© Tournesol ‘2020/08/01

smiling sky (haibun) daily moments July 30 2020

(c) Clr ‘2020/7/30

 

C R A C K!    B O O M!
Heart does a summersault
Heavens aglow

It was hard to settle the heart and she could not help but wonder, looking out at the dark grey sky how do people survive each day, who face darkness and sounds of gunfire and explosions? How naïve she feels…how blessed in her ignorance.

Peaceful day
One must count
Each blessing

One, two, three layers
Forming a halo
of colours

After an hour of thunder and rain, she steps out to see the sky smile at her

Semi circle
Painting the sky
with hope

© tournesol ‘2020/07/30

A blessed day – Day 119 – daily moments July 10/20

She woke up feeling so pumped from her morning’s reveries.  And then she checked her email and social network and  her heart felt so warm and fuzzy from wonderful comments from friends and colleagues celebrating her twenty year anniversary at her workplace.

sweet voice echoes
igniting spirits like fire
Mother spoke to her
joining friends and colleagues
thanking her for services

and yet,
feels like thanking them
to do what she loves

Day 119 and we are still living in this heatwave…35C but feels like 40C. Opening the patio door she wanted to step out and admire the flowers on her balcony…no, not today, she sighed and quickly slid the door shut to keep the cool air inside. Feeling bless she could sit in her living room or cook in her kitchen and still admire the beauty on the other side of the glass.

(c) Clr ‘7/10/2020

heart fills with love
looking fondly at such beauty
a gift from you

© Tournesol ‘2020/07/10

Daily Moments July 10, 2020

Day 70 ~visiting joy haibun

Getting her living room ready for a long overdue visit felt good. She mops the floor of dust and chat hairs; it is still quite hot outside at 28C, so she keeps the windows closed and AC on. Looking at her watch she decides to relax a bit before her visit but not before adding a touch of lipstick and then the chimes of her phone announce her virtual visit.

How her heart fills with joy chatting, laughing and just enjoying the visit with a person she met almost twenty years ago. After a long pleasant chat, she checks the air on her balcony and sighs with relief…finally turns the AC off and enjoys the quiet with the windows open, smelling the scent of new life.

Tree branches stretch
Belated foliage unfolds
soft breeze brings solace

© Tournesol ‘2020/05/22

Day 62 – budding promise ~May 15 2020 (haibun)

I remember as a first time mom how much I questioned  so much about the health and safety of our son. His first fall, I held him in my arms and cried with him…and cried some more even after he had stopped, whispering over and over, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”.

Parents in general are very proud of their children and some also like to boast…”Oh, he said his first word at “blank”…or “Oh, your son still doesn’t have teeth? Mine has five already.” Most times, you try to shrug it off but once you get home you take out Dr. Spock or any other paediatric bible you have for reassurance.

I remember our paediatrician, who was a teacher at McGill and the Head of paediatrics at the Jewish General Hospital would take phone calls from worried moms every morning from 7:30 am to 8:00am.  What a godsend!  Once he replied to my question that our son’s  teeth would be stronger if they come in later. Hmm, well, that reassured me. I tried not to boast too much  except with my mom, of course.  As a nana though I don’t hold back…grandparents have brag rights…it is WRITTEN…somewhere…:)

Today, it is May 15th and the lawns and landscapes are still quite bare.   At least it is not snowing but it would be so nice to start having some greenery on those trees. I am not even asking for flowers…just leaves! But I must have patience and embrace the tiny signs of growth…

(c) Clr 2020/05/15

limbs in wait
blossoms spreading slowly
budding promise
late bloomers growing stronger
bringing hope to the world

© Tournesol ‘2020/05/15

reflections of Mom ~ May 10, 2020

Image may contain: plant, flower and indoor
(c) Clr ’20/05/10

 

Il semble approprié de placer mon beau bouquet de fleurs que mon fils et ma belle fille m’ont donné pour la fête des mères dans ma chambre juste à côté de la chaise de ma mère. Ce soir, je vais m’asseoir tranquillement en me bercant sur sa chaise et sentir sa présence.

se souvenir
ce rire contagieux
parfum de Givenchy
pincement passionné des joues
chuchoter, “Je t’aime ma chérie”

It seems fitting to place my beautiful bouquet of flowers my son and daughter gave me for Mother’s Day in my room right next to my mom’s chair. Tonight, I will sit quietly rocking in her chair feeling her presence.

reminiscing
that infectious laugh
scent of Givenchy
passionately pinching cheeks
whispering, “Love you darling”

© Tournesol ‘20/05/10

 

Day 54 May 7/20 No Exits (troiku)

No photo description available.
(c) Clr ’20

 

where’ve they all gone
tumbling early in the morn
hollow echoes

where’ve they all gone
absent footsteps
abandoned stairwell

tumbling early in the morn
like clockwork
with purpose

hollow echoes
not so long ago
safely indoors

keeping satellites busy
friends and family reconnect

defend one and all
Mother Nature breathing life
Isolation saves

Image may contain: Cheryl-Lynn Tournesol, glasses and close-up

© Tournesol ‘20/05/07

Daily Moments – May 7 2020 No Exits Troiku

cherry blossoms – haibun – Day 52

Dômage les gens ne peuvent pas se réunir pour photographier comme tous les ans, mais la ville de Toronto qui a placer des cameras pour nous tous est une belle alternative…

Sadly people are not able to gather and photograph as they have each year, but the city of Toronto has placed cameras for all to see as a beautiful alternative.

vrai goût du printemps
étancher d’une pure beauté
fleurs de cerisier

true taste of spring
quench of sheer beauty
cherry blossoms

(c) Tournesol ’20/05/04

Daily Moments May 4  2020  cherry blossoms (haibun)

Day 50, May 2 2020 defying the enemy haibun

After two days of cleaning and washing she decides to go out for a walk. It was so warm all she needed was a light pullover. She filled her pockets with necessities: tissue, mask in a Ziploc bag, latex gloves, her health card and something she has never done before…she wrote up an Emergency card with her Allergy, contacts of her doctor, pharmacy, her two children on a business card. Now she felt better and put her keys around her neck and her mala beads.

She likes her street because everyone is respectful of social distancing. Not everyone smiles and answers her greeting, but that’s okay. When she turned onto another street she almost bumped into two young children on their bikes. One snickered and thought it was funny that they pretended to run into her. The first one made her chuckle thinking it was all innocent but she was disappointed that the parents did not even acknowledge her greeting or tell their child to be more careful. After the second child darted at her, she decided to walk very far from any future children on bikes. Maybe they see her as one of the main reasons for this lockdown. The media and politicians keep saying how this lockdown is to keep older people alive and she wonders if this is starting to feel like too much of a sacrifice for many. It is sad that people do not look at updates for there are many people between 25 to 45 that are testing positive and deaths are not high among this group but any death is too much, right?

She starts chanting her mantra silently and walking for about twenty minutes and then decides to change the Jazz on her phone to R & B. Suddenly her step matches the beat and each song she adds is just a bit faster. She is just soaking up music of Ben E. King, Daft Punk, The Four Tops and Santana… and after almost 4 K, then she chooses a slower beat to cool down and walks around the block twice before getting back into her condo.

Music picks her up
Feels her heart fly
High on endorphins

Clouds form shapes
Etched on blue canvas
Divine Artist paints

People chatting
Smiling and laughing
From a safe distance

Joy burgeons
Defying the enemy
Pure bliss wins

Ending her day with a video call warms her heart and she knows she will have a good night’s sleep tonight.

Connecting with loved ones
virtual home visits
Nature’s sedative

© Tournesol ‘2020/05/02

Daily moments – Day 48 Meal break (haibun)

During her lunch break she wanted to go out for a walk but there were too many people walking the street. Some two by two, a teen on roller blades and cyclist in shorts. Resigning to taking the garbage out, she felt she might soak up the sun for a few minutes. When she walked out her heart skipped a beat…”No, don’t close the gate yet, I need to bring mine”…standing at 5 metres from them she felt her heart swell…

finally spring
showing its warmth
sun beaming

finally spring
forced her out
a brief moment

showing its warmth
two ladies by the dumpster
excites her

sun beaming
halos circle their heads
smiling at me

She is not alone. That is what the isolation makes you feel as if you are alone feeling what feel. The women both nodded that they had good days and bad days. Yes!! It was such a relief to speak to live women close to her age …we share the love for our offspring, the worry, the longing. And even though it is a sad reality, she walked back to her unit with a lighter foot.

she’s okay
speaking to live humans in person
sighs

© Tournesol 2020/04/29

Daily moments – Day 48 Meal break (haibun)

Day 42 rock, paper, scissors (haibun) Apr 24, 2020

So many people were out;  some looked content others look serious and walked with purpose.  A few only exposed their eyes.

It appeared chilly since many were still wearing wool tuques and scarves.  At least in our winters and spring here we can lift a scarf over our mouth and nose without it looking out of place…too much. She is debating whether she should  go out or not.    She looks from her balcony wringing her dry hands like an old scared woman.

Strangers on her street
Face masks, the new spring fashion
peeks from her window

trying to catch up
youngster pedals with a purpose
father in slow motion

sanitizers flow
exhaustion showers over her
toxins linger

(c)  Tournesol ‘2020/04/24  Daily Moments Day 42

Day 40 -Earth Day Haibun April 22, 2020

 

Last day of my three day work week and not  too soon.  Struggling to sleep at night when the rest of the building seems to sleep  late…a neighbour that walks with heavy feet anytime from midnight to three in the  morning makes for a short night.  I am sure she does not realize this and since I am a new owner here, I have not had a chance to meet anyone except for the owner downstairs, who I have told to bang on the ceiling anytime if I am too noisy or the music or tele is too loud.

I am such a light sleeper  so even if I go to bed at 8 or 9 which I did last night, I woke up with a start  at midnight and struggled to get back to sleep hours later. Ear plugs do not seem to muffle the vibration of a person banging a closet door or plodding . I’ve chosen to sleep with my earbuds listening to  music with the volume low and yet…

rubber limbs
floating on an astral plane
snapping back
rumbling clouds shudder
from the third floor

Snow greeted me this morning on my patio as a mid-spring scenery.

Earth Day
bicentennial
snow on our lawns
so much for Mother Earth
giving us the finger

I took a nice bubble bath before my shift and watched a few short videos celebrating Earth Day.

The morning was not too bad but during lunch, I couldn’t help but check on the news to hear updates and that can get me nervous and frustrated. Lately, I notice a bubbling impatience inside my chest. Our province is still rising…over half of the country’s stats. How can you ever get used to hearing about deaths? Two friends told me this week they lost a relative…reality sucks! Whether it is 1 or 100 (which is nothing compared to Europe, I know and I can only imagine how scary it must be too…but still a life multiplied by xxxx is always too much.

My calls were more frenzied in the afternoon and it took a lot for me to concentrate…trying to ignore the simmering storm.

sadness and angst
listening to their suffering
pulses rising
muted implosions
licking salty lips

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/22

Day 40 and Earth Day (daily moments)

Letting go (haibun) daily moments april 19 2020

(c) Clr ‘2019

Watching a stand up comic she bursts out laughing. It is such a wonderful distraction these days. The third comic show, she starts weeping and doesn’t know why…or does she?

Salty tears
Drawing paths on wrinkled cheeks
Laugh therapy

Laugh therapy
coming from a secret place
finally letting go

© Tournesol ‘2020-04-19
Daily Moments – letting go

from a distance ~ Tanka ~ Daily moments April 19 2020

décharger le cœur
ajoute du printemps à mon pas
allégeant l’esprit
reconnaissant d’une amie sympathique
l’autre côté de l’Atlantique

unloading the soul
adds spring to my step
declutters the mind
thankful for a sympathetic friend
across the Atlantic

© Tournesol 2020-04-19

 

Dear Emma April 18 2020 ~ Haibun

Tick tock
Toss and turn
Mind won’t shut off!

May as well stay up and drop when I can no longer stay awake. It’s Saturday today…soon the sun will come up. I went for a teeny tiny walk last night after I brought the garbage out. It was after nine and no one was on the street except for one young man busy talking on his phone. I just walked up and down my street twice, staying within my close quarters since I had not brought my cane or walking stick and you just never know when that knee will give way, so it came out to 2km. I’m pleased with that. I think I will continue walking at that time each night. Granted I would love to soak up the sun in the daytime but with the cool weather we’ve been having, wind comes along with the sunny skies and evenings it just seems calmer and feels warmer.

I surfed the net a bit to see how the world was coping…I found an interesting segment from France covered byFrance 24which is aired weekly. Oh my, to see the drones the police are using to check up on people who are not abiding with social distancing!!! That is pretty awesome actually but like one woman cyclist with her two children commented, it does feel futuristic and one wonders if you are doing to get attacked by the drones. It’s a great idea actually and saves a lot of manpower so police can also be available for emergencies rather than patrolling street by street, park after park.

I noticed our police patrol Easter Sunday. Good thing they came by a few hours after this couple rendezvoused in front of my building. He brought her a gift and stretched out his arm to hand it to her. Then they spoke briefly a good two metres apart. She had leggings and a nice long sweater hanging off one shoulder and four inch heels!! I kid you not! It was so adorable to see them. They looked in their late thirty’s or mid forty’s. I found it so romantic! Hey, I don’t get to see much these days, so this was a real life treat And I even wrote about it on my an Easter datealong with a haiku on Sunday.

No photo description available.

I ordered watercolours and paper this week. I am kicking myself for having given all my paints, crayons and artsy things when I moved here. Who knew I would have so much time on my hands that I could relax trying to paint? I have never really painted with watercolours except fooling around with my grandson and when I was a kid but lately I found a few Youtubers who explain it well and I want to try. My goal is to make greeting cards, just for fun and maybe even create lovely haiga with my artwork. So far, I have only done haiga with my photos but it would be a nice change. If I don’t succeed at least I will have practiced an art form that relaxes me.

Years ago I had to take some art courses to be accepted in an Art Therapy class at my university. So I took 24 lessons in oil painting. I did not really find I did anything pretty but every week those three hours went by like ten minutes.

It’s 5:30 and I’m not sure I will be able to stay up until the sun comes up. My eyes are getting a bit heavy (finally). I think I will have breakfast so hunger will not wake me up at 8am and I can sleep in as late as I want. Yes, that is a great idea!

Thanks for listening, Emma. There are not many people I can talk their ear off at this time and you are such a great listener.

Night sounds
Hum of the fridge
The old cat snores

© Tournesol ‘2020-04-18

April 17 2020 ~video chats rescue ~ haibun

Image may contain: cat

 

Ah if only I could disconnect like my feline friends.  I hear one snore softly.  I felt pumped when I first woke up and seeing the sunny skies.  The sun was so warm, the bedroom temperatures went up I had to open the windows.  And then I watched the news…

bursts of energy
sun beams through my window
lifting spirits

dark clouds
menacing those light blue skies
hold uncertainty

emotions
riding the roller coaster
little engine doubts
I think I can, I know I can
because I have a plan

there is no shame
in reaching out
call out their name

so comforting
a face smiling back at me
YOU, inside my screen!

Feeling pumped again after a nice video chat with my son and daugther in law…yes, I definitely can get through these times.

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/17 Daily moments

A visit I had a few weeks ago from my son and daughter in law …can’t really have that anymore.  Police are patrolling regularly now.

 

trust in the universe ~ Haibun ~ April 15/20

Three hours of sleep reads her Fitbit. Hmmm, that’s odd, and yet she feels refreshed this morning. She runs a bath and prepares her coffee at the same time. She seems to have energy today despite the lack of sleep. She strips her bed and prepares for laundry and finally when her coffee is ready she slips into her bubble bath and turns on her tablet to watch something silly on Netflix, The Big Show.

A great way to start her day and once dressed and logged onto her laptop, she feels an energy she has not felt in weeks.

The universe gave her what she needed.

isolation
digging at their psyches
discovering normal

offering hope
exploring
possibilities

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/15

 

disturbing reveries  daily moments  April 13 2020 Haibun

Last night I was surprised to see the time when I woke up at only 2 in the morning.    It’s amazing how a deep sleep can feel like you have slept for a long time.   I slipped back to sleep and then…

I was riding my bike back home to the house where I grew up in my hometown.    It was not quite dawn…the sky was grey and the sun had not started to come up yet.  As I approached the house, I thought I should put my bike in the house not to get it stolen.

“How come I had not thought of that before since there are so many robberies at this part of town?”

Suddenly I saw my car parked and decided to stick the bike in the car but then I saw a car backing up to come and talk to me, so frantically shoved the bike in the front but was not fast enough and the car was about a metre from me.  He rolled down his window and I was about to approach out of habit…but then I froze realizing the social distancing advised was two metres.  I knew I was dreaming, and I really wanted to wake up because I sensed there was danger.  The man wanted to talk, said he felt socially isolated and got out of his car …I ran to house but could not unlock the door fast enough and close it behind me…he pushed the door and as I backed away he came closer and I thought he was going to rape me.  But he just wanted to hold someone…just wanted someone to talk to. My heart totally understood but my brain was speeding and telling me this was way too dangerous.

I kept backing up slowly but still listening.  One could tell this man was suffering but I was not sure if he could control his frustrations.

I woke up at 5:30 AM and there was  still an hour or so before I should get up for work…but I could not help but feel I might go back to the same dream.   I put on my mask for my eyes and kept repeating my mantra and imagining the face of Amma, hoping I could fall asleep…I did but not in a deep sleep but back into the same dream…

We talked in the living room…I was sitting on the couch and he on the footstool with such a heavy look of defeat.  I felt so bad that this virus had done this to him but also worried for my health.  Feeling guilty for thinking of myself and feeling empathy for him…not a great place to be…and then I woke up at 6:30 and got up. Enough already!!

I took my time getting ready for work, setting up my laptop, my tv as a second monitor and  sticking important papers on my cupboard door to have everything in my view.

I took out the garbage and recycling as well since it was very early and pouring rain I could avoid seeing anyone.  I wore my new white cotton gloves and then dumped them in the wash and logged onto my laptop.

What a way to start my day!

hearing their stories
describing a dystopia
makes my skin crawl

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/13

J is for Joy (Troibun)

On this same day Paril 12th, 2016 this is what I wrote. Watching children here brought me joy and today in 2020, watching a couple meeting in front of my building brought me joy, in the Easter date https://cheryllynnroberts.info/2020/04/12/an-easter-date-easter-date-haibun-april-12-2020/

Tournesol dans un Jardin

Life offers many joys. One just has to stop and notice they are here even in the saddest times, under grey clouds and personal strife. She shuffles reflecting on her solitude wistfully aiming for the city park.

©Clr`15/12/08 ©Clr`15/12/08

(troiku)
sitting on a park bench
giggling children
joy etched on lips

sitting on a park bench
swallows chirp
telling stories

giggling children
skipping, running joyfully
tag you’re it

joy etched on lips
brings new life
spirit glows

©Tournesol’16/04/12

My haiga for this prompt at Carpe Diem:

park bench

giggling children
swallows telling stories
paints joy on lips

Carpe Diem Haiku Kai “new life”

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 12

View original post

an Easter date Easter date Haibun April 12 2020

 

A friend sends links of live videos which offer hope and peace.  She is busy and misses out on one.  And then she sits watching news from New York and then Quebec.  Her heart aches and she cannot seem to shake off the grief for so many people.  An hour earlier she had  sent three self videos to loved ones showing how healthy and fine she is, offering best wishes for Easter.  Easter is a time to rejoice …a time for rebirth.

Another alert from her tablet sounds the arrival of a message from her friend who sends her two more links…one is gospel music which shifts her mood and the other is Andrea Bocelli: Music for Hope. She had forgotten to tune into this live.

shedding tears
this time for hope
releasing joy

Looking from her patio window, she smiles.  A couple meet in front of her building.  She wishes she could have captured the 4 inch heels but that  would have looked too nosy [chuckles].   It was so adorable to see the brief encounter and a few hours before the police car passed by checking up on the neighbourhood and social-distancing.

No photo description available.

le rendezvous
at two arms length
hearts swell

© Tournesol ‘20/04/12

anticipation (haibun) Daily Moments April 11 2020

Wishing she could have sent scrumptious chocolate bunnies…yet, deliveries meant more work for recipients, to cleanse and disinfect…no Easter cards mailed, no Laura Secord Eggs this year.   Avoiding all fears for contamination and spread of bacteria, she forwards gifts through cyberspace.

Easter Bunny
delivering virtual gifts
global normal

One cannot help but feel the quietness of this special day, remembering stories her GrandMaman shared about the blessing of water on this special Holy Saturday.

Mother in wait
weaving in a web of faith
The resurrection

© Tournesol ‘20/04/11 Daily Moments  – anticipation

living today (troibun)

Image may contain: tree, plant, sky, outdoor and nature
(c) clr’20

A month has passed already!

Since January 1st, she had been working remotely more and more. First there was the move and later, the struggles on her body traveling and walking on icy sidewalks and flu season worried her a lot. In three months she may have gone to the office five days at best. It was already her new normal. However shopping for odds and ends she needed to fix up her new home and doing her own groceries were outtings she looked forward to until March.  What she misses the most is seeing friends and family…oh my, miss those hugs!

Last night she slept thirteen hours losing part of the day. After months of sleeping four to six hours a night, she gave into her body’s screaming request. Was it the exertion from cleaning and scrubbing? Was it giving in to her chronic pain? Or was it hiding from another day? Perhaps a bit of both but her body thanks her? A much needed vacation after months of packing and unpacking. Oh! There are still many things to do but at least she had the opportunity to make her new home look decent enough and not “quite” climbing the walls (or have to wash them down too!)

What really worries her most was the unknown future. She is saddened her children and grandchildren …people who are younger than her have to be faced with a very very different world. She knew the world was changing but never thought she would be alive to see how it would impact on so many younger people…how her heart breaks thinking of this.

It’s also a time of year when she usually does a bit of cooking…home baked beans, split pea soup à la Jeanne Benoit (she’s tried a few including Ricardo’s and no one can beat Jeanne plus her added touch of course) along with ham, pâtés and tête de fromage and a variety of sweet pies. Her Grandpères are not as good as those from la Cabane à sucre but lots and lots of chocolate.

When she was younger, during la semaine sainte (holy week) her grandmaman would cook eggs in syrup for breakfast along with beans baked in molasses or maple syrup. Of course beans were a regular Sunday breakfast even outside Easter week. After Sunday mass many churchgoers would pick up home baked beans at a grocer.

She takes comfort thinking of those days, just like food giving one comfort. It is enjoyable to cook and bake for others but to do it alone is a challenge lacking so much joy, missing the smiling faces and comments of “Mmmm” and “More please”.

It’s 18:30 and as much as she has avoided hearing her prime minister or premier speak…she turns on the screen awakening her to reality.

Under grey skies
A leader talks about peace
Spring snowflakes

Under grey skies
Heavy
With new angels

A leader talks about peace
Birds chirp softly
Chasing soporifics

Spring snowflakes
Maples running gold liquid
humans may not taste

© Tournesol ’20-04-09

Daily Moments – April 9 2020 – Living Today (haibun)

It’s today (haibun)

A lovely visit today from my son and daughter-in-law that warmed my heart so much!  What a treat to chat with them from my sunny balcony.  Neighbours passing by who were out for their daily walk and nodding, smiling and greeting us under these unique circumstances.

Many walkers were crossing each other and like a smooth dance they would pull away at least two metres or more and once passed, they would resume their pace and space on the sidewalk.  It makes me feel safer seeing how my street is so respectful of this and I think it relieved my son to see his mom lives is a safe neighbourhood.

When I mentioned it was Monday today, he said, “No, Mom, it’s TODAY…everyday is TODAY now.”  So today is my first day of my vacation and what a great start I have experienced today.

uncertainty is real
fear is no longer my ally
compassion rules
family and friends
reaching out far and near

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/06

until dawn ~ daily moments 2020/04/05

waiting
under navy skies
birds still sleep

waiting
silence
comforts me

under navy skies
hint of life
my heart beats

birds still sleep
angels of the night
keep watch

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/05 Daily moments – until dawn

My talented haijin from Italy kindly responded to my troiku on facebook, feeling her compassion across the Atlantic

even in the dark
echoes of the heart
life

whispering wind
fluttering leaves
life

first rays of sun
a lark warbles
life

in this moment
a thought of you
life
© gsk ’20

Have a great Sunday my friend.

~

Grazie ma chère and you as well…it’s amazing what a few extra hours of sleep can do 😊

first glimpse of light
bowing in reverence
riding theta waves

fairies
dancing in thin air
reveries delight

awakenings
embracing life’s promise
near and far

© Tournesol ‘2020/04/05

Stay Homers, one and all…you ROCK

youths and adults all over the world!
anyone feeling too immortal theses days
LISTEN UP!
A NEW CAST IS IN DEMAND IN THIS HEROIC MOVIE
we already have health heroes
we do have truckers and grocers
garbage collectors, mental health workers
utility and IT folkS
government folks at all levels
educators, street cleaners, building cleaners
umpteen volunteers handing out food
restaurateurs of every kind,
delivery persons and postal persons
packers, sorters, stockers too
comedians and all sorts of celebrities
lest not forget Youtubers too
I’m missing a few but understand
this must be short
to speak to this very special cast
the ones who feel that they’re invincible
You wanta go down in history
as true heroes?
STAY HOME…we need STAY HOMERS!!
in this last cast of new heroes
STAY HOMERS ACTUALLY RULE!

(c) Cheryl-Lynn  2020/04/02

Daily moments April 1 2020 spring break

Her thoughts are swimming, sometimes riding waves and landing safely but other times engulfed with such an overflow.

worker’s report card
new class of spring vacation
humility cruise

Storing these performance statistics in a safe place behind the cat litter, she finds a way to disconnect. There are plans to escape in novels and write. Unburdening her heart and try to see the blue sky and listen to the sparrows gossip each morning about the bossy raven.

© Tournesol 2020/04/01

death lingers (tanka)

Written for Milan Rajkumar’s prompt at Triven: World Haiku Utsav

prompt : dry
sea waves
salty breeze mingles with
dried tears of autumn

(c ) milan rajkumar

spring rain
never seems to wash away
scent of decay hangs

scent of decay hangs
even under drier skies
death still lingers

© Tournesol ‘20/03/26

A yellow van (troibun)

No alarms this morning…it is her day off. A sleep disturbed by dread and worry forces her to dive under her duvet giving her a sense of false security. It’s time to get up. No sounds in the stairwell like in the old “normal”. All in their own time now…a slower pace, a screaming silence in the halls.

Such a restless night worrying about her work yesterday. No matter how much she kept repeating, “Let it go, ride the wave and let it go”, it still stuck to her. And so she decides to look over her notes from yesterday and emails. Such a relief to humbly realize she had misinterpreted one message and a smile starts forming on her face.

She begins to write a letter of thanks to her managers for the support they have given her and her colleagues in the past ten days. It has been challenging to work from home for so many especially those with children. How to keep them busy…how to keep the teens at home without going stark raving mad?!

Looking at her street, she notices the odd cyclist braving the cold at 3C but the forecast is supposed to go up to 11 mid-day. Yes, she might go out for a walk later and wear only her Sketchers rather then winter boots…such a treat to walk in lighter footwear!

A yellow van with flashing lights parks in front of her building…her heart flip flops wondering who and what is happening? Is there a person who is sick? Is it Covid19 or something else? She dares not open her door to see in the hallway but peaks through the peephole and sees masked paramedics on her floor!  Later she sees them wheeling out a woman from her floor…

Image may contain: outdoor
(c)Clr ‘2020/03/26

She just  may not go out today…

a jogger
passing a cyclist
life goes on

a jogger
mentally balanced
physically fit

passing a cyclist
leaning on a walking stick
a man shuffles slowly

life goes on
a women in labour
cry of a newborn

© Tournesol ‘2020/03/26

Dally moments March 26th 2020 a yellow van troibun

Yé! ma commande est arrivé

 

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hâte de savouré
une bonne bière pis steak haché

c’est le temps de la maudite
virus corona dix- neuf
pas le temps de magasiner
même pas l’droit de jouer d’hors

tout le monde vraiment poigné
pas le droit de travailler
parce que tous les politiciens
nous mets tous en quarantaine

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hâte de savouré
une bonne bière pis steak haché

les tits vieux on vraiment peur
pis y peuvent pas faire leur courses
ils doivent tous faire leurs commandes
l’internet ou leur voisins

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hâte de savouré
une bonne bière pis steak haché

Mais y manquait des produits
mon pot de beurre de peanut
pis dix livre de patates blanches
pis mon savon du dimanche

en r’gardant de mon balcon
les enfants et leurs parents
en vélos et espadrilles
distanciation sociale

on respecte distance physique
évitant de l’attraper
maudite corona dix-neuf
cause des maladies psychiques

Rester dont dans vos maisons
jusqu’à prochaine bonne nouvelle
que la maudite maladie
soient partie une fois pour toute

Oh les chips et le pepsi
certainement vont arrivé
Que j’ai hate de savouré
une bonne biere pis steak haché

Oh les chips et le pepsi
ma commande est arrivé
une bonne bière et steak haché
de mon Métro favouriiiiiiii!

(c) Cheryl-Lynn ‘2020/03/25

 

Daily Moments March 15 2020 symptoms of the human race

Birds chirping
Willing spring to return
Hear the children laugh

School is out
Parents juggling what to do
Too many choices

Grandma’s stuck inside
Smiles from an open window,
Hearing nature’s song

Panic rises
Hoarding like there’s no morrow
Me, myself and I

© Tournesol ’15-03-2020

Daily Moments March 15 2020 symptoms of the human race

Cycling in snowsuits…only in Canada! (haibun) Daily Moments March 8 2020

Cycling in snowsuits…only in Canada!

Watching people walking to the park, she knew she must get out.  Shut-in all day yesterday was just to nurse a cold and making excuses that she must not venture out into the public; but what about just going out for fresh air?  But of course, that would be good for her both physically and emotionally.

She opened the windows of her condo  for half an hour or so every day but that was not enough.  She knew her mental state was stuck in mud that had dried up…sort of.  A must to go out and see people!  Tomorrow she would be hearing people and their trials and tribulations; trying to instill hope to continue on one more day or two.  Indeed, she must go out.

Contemplating this, she saw two bicycles go by! One adult was dragging another bike with training wheels and  another tiny bike was following behind.  The children were dressed in snow pants and big bike helmets. [She wonders if a tuque fit under those big plastic headdresses.]  Those big mittens must make it tricky to steer the bike too!  Ah, bicycles with toddlers and children going for a Sunday ride…that surely is a sign that spring is around the corner!

 

sunny skies rule
just above point of freezing
luring shut-ins out!

 

sunny skies rule
painting curves on stiff muscles
bidding them to smile

 

just above point of freezing
daring to remove their tuques
wind blows in their hair

 

luring shut-ins out!
young and old find delight
spring is almost here

 

watching with renewed energy
from her living room window

 

slips on coat and boots
stepping into brisk cool air
twinkle in her eyes

 

© Tournesol ‘08/03/2020

Daily Moments 3/ 8/2020   Cycling in snowsuits~  only in Canada  H aibun

riding the waves (haibun)

I read a poem written by Sreejit Poole from TheSeekersDungeon and it poked my muse this morning.  I just love when that happens!    TheSeekersDungeon  

***

Another grey winter (when will this season end?) Will I be engulfed again by the same dark waves or will  I try to ride them today?

I find snippets of joy when I look at my bff’s (best feline friends)…Bette who is growing like me (older, slower and fatter) and Kali, who makes me smile and frown all in one gesture. Today I will try to seek those milliseconds while riding those waves.

waking up
feels like gasping for air
wish me back to sleep

mind will just not heed
always stubbornly
poking at me

riding the waves
i try to float above
repeating my mantra

over and over
sacred and compassionate
i see her smiling

sadness looms
pushing me underwater
at least, i fall asleep

so many stories
performing in my mind
or is it a dream?

peering from one eye
another wave is coming
quickly i must dive
beneath softness and safety
my downy duvet

shifting faithfully
mantra to Hail Mary’s
urging theta waves

slipping into delta
images and narratives
distract me

shifting now and then
altering my perception
some dreams make me smile

was this a dream?
my mind is playing tricks
real’s overrated
who cares if this is fiction?
my frown turned upside down!

Shuffling from my bedroom, I’m greeted by Bette who seems to frown a bit. She’s sulking me these days because I will not let her come in my bedroom anymore. I’m tired of cleaning so much fur that weaves into the fabric of all my bedding. Kali comes racing out and flops down at my feet causing me to stop or else I might trip. She’s like a puppy rather than a feline. She follows me everywhere and sometimes races ahead of me wanting to play.

Once I sit with my coffee, Bette sits on a bench next to my chair and waits for me to pet her. This morning she refused to give me the “loving look”. You know when you look at a cat and slowly close and open your eyes…your feline friend usually closes their eyes to show they love you. Nope, not today, she’s still sulking me.

Kali drapes herself upon my chest like a universal scarf. Her loud purrs soothe me as if to help counteract the effects of my cup of java. World Health Organization should add felines as good for one’s health to lower blood pressure. I cannot help but smile at both my feline friends this morning, who simply “are” and their presence makes me feel like I am wrapped in silk and velvet.

watching them relax
waiting for the sun to peak
behind winter clouds

my furry friends
teaching me so patiently
how “to be”

 

(c) Tournesol ‘ 2020/03/06

 

Daily Moments – March 6  2020 – riding the waves

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

transporting notes ~ Troibun ~ Feb 18 2020 Daily Moments

Sitting in front of the t.v. screen, she flips from one video to the next and finds nothing to capture her attention. It has been a long day. Day two of busyNESS, Day two of SadNESS, Day two of various fires to try and put out and yet…the day feels unfulfilled. There is the person who hung up too soon because someone walked in on them; there’s the person whose phone died and you never had a chance to see if he’s safe and the list goes on. All in a day’s work, some say…who the hell says that anyway?

Switching to music seems more healing…starting with Satie Song by Alanna-Marie Boudreau, then Kimbra’s Cameo Lover and Sara Bareilles’s Gravity. Lastly, she listens to one of her favourites, Damien Rice’s Accidental Babies…aww, total bliss! It is amazing how music can truly transform you.

She is reminded of a youth now who is a musician playing classical and jazz. How fortunate she is to do the work she does do. How blessed she is to hear their stories and to be the ear that hears those secrets they disclose for the first time…they actually dared to say “out loud”. Such courage they have had to gather to reach out for support.

Before the end of her evening, she listens to  one more song, Damien’s Rootless Tree…

 

sighing softly
thinking of those classical notes
cut at her heartstrings

sighing softly
recalling her soft voice
vulnerable and frayed

thinking of those classical notes
only ivory keys can articulate
such pain

cut at her heartstrings
images of doom and gloom
unearthed and naked

© Tournesol 2020/02/18

transporting notes Troibun Feb 18 2020 Daily Moments

Boudreau’s Satie Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppOvD4Egbno

Kimbra’s Cameo Lover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaTEySLiLmc

Bareilles’s Gravity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEXhAMtbaec

Damien’s Accidental Babies https://youtu.be/ELTVP4aqWAI

Damien’s Rootless Tree https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1V6u3jdxwc

winter blues troiku daily moments Feb 17 2020

winter blues troiku daily moments Feb 17 2020

winter blues
stuck indoors
frostbitten toes

winter blues
days are not long enough
chasing night demons

stuck indoors
the worse of all viruses
cabin fever

frostbitten toes
remind me with the throbbing
winter’s NOT over

© tournesol ‘2020/02/17